Relationship 'crossover'

[therealslim]

Does this matter?

A few weeks ago I kissed a guy I know through friends not knowing he was in a long term relationship. I honestly had no idea; I don't know him that well.

He got in touch with my afterwards to say that his gf and he are in the process of breaking up. They live together so I understand there's things to sort. They've been together 3 years.

We're getting on well and he's intimated he'd like to pursue dating me.

Would you run a mile from this or see him and keep an open mind?

I get that relationships are often long over before they're over, iyswim.

There is no "process of breaking up". He's either in a committed relationship, or he's not.

I wonder if his gf is aware of this process.

Continue at your peril.

Wouldn't go there until you 100% know with proof that they are separated and living apart. Even then it would be rebound for him. Sounds like he fancies you as a bit on the side tbh

Hmmm. It's not like a separation waiting for a divorce this is it?

He's living with someone and you only have his word that they are splitting.

I'd proceed with caution and let him know to look you up when he has made the break and has his own place to be honest.

I was in this situation 7 years ago. I liked him a lot. I was tired of being the other person - although nothing happened - so gave him the ultimatum.

7 years later we are extremely happy and never looked back.

Go with your gut but make it clear you won't be the other person

Sorry I should've made it clearer. They have split up but I believe they're still in a rental agreement so living together for another month until it's up. They're not married.

Then I'm sure you can wait a month if you really like each other. Has he told you where his new place will be?

He's moving in with a friend. The other issue is that we live 200 miles apart... but he wants to visit me in a few weeks. I'm just not sure whether or not to end it now.

Wait until he's actually not in a relationship

200 miles? That's a long distance to sustain a relationship over.

Hmmm.

I'd walk away.

Just sounds like he is cheating or wants a shag. You don't know him. So let him move out to kids mates and see if he gets back in touch.

If you didn't know they were in a relationship how do you know they are out of one?

If I were you I'd wait until he moved out to confirm but it's still very early days to dare someone specific after a 3 year break up and living together so be prepared it may not be for the long haul

How do you know he's telling the truth? He lives 200 miles away from you - I would bet you anything that he's still with her and they're still sleeping together.

There are so many other men out there, why would you settle for one who cheats?

He isn't with her anymore. I have him on social media now so I can see it and also my mutual friends have told me. Not every man is necessarily seeing two people at once...

Oh FFS! Why do you want our permission? You call it a relationship crossover in your thread title but you're adamant that he is no longer in relationship. Either wait till he moves out or go ahead and hook up on his timetable but given the distance between you, there doesn't appear to be a 'relationship' to crossover to.

You do know people can hide their relationship status on FB from certain people, or can just take it off altogether? What is shows on social media is by no means necessarily accurate.

I think people are saying - why rush? Assuming everything he tells you is true, why would you want to jump into a relationship with someone has only just come out of a long-term relationship and is still living with their ex? On top of that, they live 200 miles away from you.

There are so many other men out there who are commitment free, don't live with their ex's and don't cheat (which he admittedly did - if the relationship was dead, he should have ended it, not kissed someone else). I doubt he's that special.

Wait until he's moved out properly.

This will help minimise the chances that

a) you are blamed in the future for ruining the potential to reconcile
b) you are just a rebound dalliance
c) you end up settling for someone who thinks it's OK to two-time

Has he got a new place lined up? Contract signed?
I'd still tread carefully and I reckon any decent bloke wouldn't mind you saying you'd like to hold off taking it further till he's moved out.

If he referred to her as his GF that is weird!

Friends of mine's relationship petered out and the ended amicably they both still share the same rented house and give eachother lifts to social events but neither would describe the other as GF or BF.