Anyone else feel like an outsider?

[Crazymama]

Ever since my Ds started nursery I have tried really hard to speak to the other mums and be friendly, but No-one ever seems to want to take the time to speak to me. i always say hello to other mums when passing them in the playground. There is one mum in particular looks at the ground or away when I pass her just so she does not have to say hello!!

People obviously dont perceive me as someone that they can chat to. I never know what to say, find conversation ackward and quite often say something downright stupid, through lousy attempts to chat to people.

I do see a one or two people out of school, but its always me that has to initiate the plans.

Some days I feel like everyone else knows each other, and they all conspire to ignore me for some reason! My DS rarely gets invited to parties. I know that alot of the mums from school socialise together.

I feel like I want to move away from here because I feel like such an outsider! Its crazy because DS is settled in nursery and will soon start the school which is excellent.

Does anyone else feel like an outsider in their neighbourhood? Does anyone have any tips on how to chat to people, and how I can make real friends rather than just people that I can say hello to!

Reading the above, I feel I have gone mad, and maybe I have. Please tell me someone else feels that same...

Offering to help set up/ clear up is a good suggestion!!!

Fairyedwards
I am sorry you are having a hard time, and thank you for replying to my post.

I used to be blunt. Now I think I am so worried about how people will perceive what I say/do that my personality has been lost trying to ensure I appease people.

in some respect I am not sure leaving (in my case the villiage I live in) or in yours Mumsnet or toddler group is the answer. What do they say... you can only keep running for so long.
Thats why I would like to confont the issue of how people perceive me and how I can get friends.

Oh are you in a village, Crazymama? Village dwellers are VERY MEAN . No, small communities can be very difficult to break into. Persevere! and then come and here and go "ARRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" if they aren't nice

I'm 36 and still find it difficult to get to know people, which is why I'm dreading moving to Portsmouth as it means starting all over again. I am of course going to stalk littlelapin, as she has invited me round for tea and cakes. I have proof, i printed it off.
It is annoying though when you make the effort to get to know people and they snub you

fairyEdwards where have you moved too? We have lived in our town for 6 years. I find that most groups are clichy. I am normally very confident & would speak to anybody(I am northern normally we are quite happy to chat to anybody about anything) but finding I am less & less so. Told my dh about the rejections & knock backs he doesn't understand. This isn't a bloke issue. If you are near me we could meet for a cuppa & a chat?

who is this saltire woman?

It is the same in our village, I look forward to when it is raining, so I don't look to bad scurrying back to the car! There are several groups of Mums who all know each other and also each others,(and every one else's buisness) and I feel like a complete outsider! Maybe it will be better when dd1 starts school proper rather than pre school.

i would add that i am going through the same thing, moved here , small town, just over a year ago. some people friendly enough on the surface, so got lots of new acquaintances (sp?)
but not real friends. i have tried really hard , in rl, here and on another mums website, some seem really keen to meet, then nothing. i try not to take it personally, as they don't know me, but it is very hard. i want ds to have friends of a similar age too, as he is an only child, and feel like giving uop trying sometimes. some of the toddler groups are so cliquey.

.

You can't hide from me littlelapin

crazymama, please, please don't think its you or anything about you, honestly we've been there. Its so easy to get paranoid and insecure about this. I promise you, head up, big smile, say hello to all of them and eventually one will say hello back!

But don't let it get to you and start to question yourself. They aren't worth it, really.

Thanks everyone who responded. Many of you understand how I feel!

It helps to know you're not the only one . Good luck!

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Summerfruit, don't be so hard on yourself. Why on earth did your DH say you were being a martyr?! And if she's blanked you over the years, I don't blame you for not wanting to socialise with her.

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Fairy Edwards, you sound really low. Hope you're OK.

thanks tinkymummy - no I am not really. I feel like I am backed into a corner with nowhere to turn. I waited until my parents took my son out with them to dog training and then I wailed - really cried like I have not been able to before. We are in a farm house with no neighbours thank goodness because I must have sounded like some kind of animal.

I never thought I would be left alone - I never wanted to turn out like this. I feel like I must be the worst person in the world because people leave me so easily.

FE, you do sound quite low.

Not surprising. You have had a lot to deal with by the sounds of it. And, it must feel a bit like taking a few steps backwards which is always tough to take.

Give yourself some time. You maybe arent ready to go out and 'meet' people. You are putting yourself under too much pressure.

Mumsnet is fab, and will help you get strong enough to cope with these rl situations when you are ready.

poor you FE. It's horrible feeling extremely lonely. When you spend less time with people, you spend more time in your own head where you don't have to be careful what you say, so it's easy to be blunt and say exactly what you think, as you think it, withough having an editing process stop you from putting your foot it in.

I'm jelous of your farmhouse. So lucky you on that!

don't be jealous - it is my parents farmhouse with me adn my son in one tiny room.

Believe me - I am nothing to be jealous of.

Don't be sad FairtE.

Look how nice Spidermama was to you - and she WELL respected.

Lots of people have been nice to you.

Besides now you are WELL famous on MN

No need to change anything. Don't leave.
Don't change your name. No need.

You clearky need some TLC - Mn is GREAT for that.

Let the others help you.

hi FairyEdwards

You sound really low - have just been on and read around - please don't take things to heart. Mumsnet is great for support of all kinds and you sound like you really need it.

If you think this is a place you can come to for help and support whilst you are away from your friends then please stay - all will be forgotten tomorrow.

Best wishes

x

I hope it is supportive but I seem to have started out very very badly indeed.

I wish there was a beginners guide to mumsnet!