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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sad and doubting myself during/after a breakup

2 replies

LaurelHolly · 11/07/2017 20:53

This is a self indulgent post when people are going through much worse. Just in the middle of wrapping it up with my boyfriend of a few years. No infidelity on either side, just day to day stresses and distance showing up all the cracks. It's a mutual thing maybe more instigated by me but that was more of a get-in-first self defence thing.

I think it is the right thing. I know it is. But it's just really sad. I've been through a bad break up with an abusive boyfriend and a divorce from a cheating husband (which MN really helped me through) so this is a relatively easy experience (not living together, no dc) but without the shock and the anger the other break ups had, the sadness is hitting.

It was so promising at first, I thought this was what I'd been missing out on, amazing chemistry etc. and I think I'm just mourning the loss of that and feeling so regretful we couldn't keep it going. We had moving in plans and a vague marriage/dc outline and now it's all gone.

Being older and jaded wiser, I know this isn't the end and I can cope; I have a good family, lovely young dc, a job and a place. Just miss/am going to miss having the extra support/intimacy a relationship brings and am exhausted at the thought of how rare and long it takes to build that with someone new.

I don't know what I'm asking; I'm just down and lonely so just hoping for positive stories of getting over the sadness, loneliness and regret. The knowledge that I could probably have sorted things out and strung it on knowing it's not right just to have someone...I know that's a shitty thing to do but when I'm alone at night and on weekends, that's going to eat at me. I just wish he'd done something unequivocally awful so I wouldn't dwell on it.

Sorry for length....self indulgence is such a downer.

OP posts:
mermaidsandunicorns · 11/07/2017 21:44

You're allowed to be sad xx

You're grieving for the loss of the time when it was happy but be proud of yourself for realising it just couldn't work anymore rather then let it tick on and get worse

I let an old relationship tick on and I became self destructive til it imploded and the breakup was awful. It will hurt, some days it will hurt a lot, but every day will get a little bit easier. Laugh as often as you can and surround yourself with good people xxxx

LaurelHolly · 11/07/2017 21:50

Thank you mermaids. Yes..self destructive; I've been drinking too much and too often alone since things started going wrong. No urge to do that now it's over.

OP posts:
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