Shared house!! Going mad

[Hannabee123]

HI everyone

I need help! My partner owns the house and we have 2 guys renting rooms for extra income. My issue is these 2 guys DO NOT clean. The kitchens a mess when they have been in there and they never help tidy the house. They leave our cutlery in their rooms to fester and go gross and I struggle to find items to use. I left a note on the fridge asking them to bring cups and plates down and my partner just had a go at me because they have an issue with This!!

I'm cleaning after GROWN men and a dog and trying my best to get the house sorted for the arrival of our first child. I have so many issues with no fridge space and no space for our stuff and it just pisses me off sharing our home. We have had several arguments over this and i have asked for atleast 1 of them to go as I need a spare bedroom.
He just constantly says that we need the money and sticks up for them. Apparently there are worse people out there. I feel like my issues are being swept under the carpet all the time and I get no understanding. It's the final straw now it's annoying the crap out of me to have to bring a child in to this situation. Luckily I still have a while to go but can anyone please help. Any advice or just a hand hold to say I'm not out of order??
I just want everything to be perfect for the baby

Will they still be there when the baby arrives? How does your partner see that working? (I am thinking of them as much as you and baby.)

You're not out of order. Your partner is awful. You cannot bring a baby back to this set up.

Locks on cupboards so they can't nick your crockery, and buy them their own sets. Then if they don't wash their own, they can suffer the consequences.

Their own shelf in the fridge; eat/chuck anything of theirs that strays into your space.

Or just boot the manchildren out!

I personally think you need to make plans to leave. How can you possibly care for a baby in this situation?

I wouldn't be cleaning in your situation, to be honest. It's a lodging arrangement, not a hotel. I assume your partner does half the cleaning, so if he doesn't mind cleaning up after the lodgers can he do more of it?

Have you seen a midwife yet? Tell her what's happening.

You need to move out. Your partner is horrible and your living situation is awful. Look after yourself and your baby and get the hell out of there.

He had a go at you because they don't like being told the bring dirty plates to the kitchen?

He doesn't respect you. What do get from the relationship?

I fully agree with Imperial. This is not a safe environment for you and definitely not a good situation for a baby.

The midwife can help you access support as you are vulnerable.

You poor thing, my heart really goes out to you. My dp rented rooms when we were first together and I can relate to your frustration entirely, but fortunately, this was long before we had kids. I couldn't share with a baby in the house and your partner's bloody deluded if he really thinks this situation can continue, unchanged with a newborn in the house. Ultimatum time, all three dirty bastards work out the cleaning rota they will be following, both lodgers move out or you and the baby will require a separate house, that'll cost more than the rental income brings in. Is your dp very young and stupid?

Ok you're Pregnant and living with your partner in what is his home

Do you have any security here for you and your child? What is the financial situation here? Do you share finances? Do you need the rent money? Could you live without it? Are you paying him rent? You're not married either?

I think there is maybe a wider concern here.in terms of security.

Why did you decide that this was a good phase of your (plural) lives to start a family?

What did you discuss when you (plural) decided to TTC about the living arrangements going forward?

How important is the income from the lodgers? It's not their fault the fridge space is limited.

Why are you cleaning up after them? Their landlord either needs to put his foot down (which includes giving notice and getting new lodgers) if they aren't clean enough, or he needs to factor into their rent the cost of a cleaner. You are not the cleaner.

I'm not actually sure that they should be helping to tidy the house. Their own mess, yes. But if you mean things like general hoovering... well, they're lodgers not a house share. General cleaning is the responsibility of the landlord, in my opinion.

I had a lodger and it's hard when you need to share space. But remember it's THEIR home too. I daresay they'd like more space in the cupboards too - but that's not the deal.

If the income is needed, then it's unfair of you to hassle your boyfriend. Get a cleaner, get that factored into the rent, and get your boyfriend to OK it with the lodgers that the cleaner will be allowed to minesweep their rooms for crockery and cutlery.

I'm feeling sorry for the lodgers that they're going to have to share with a newborn!

I'm feeling sorry for the lodgers that they're going to have to share with a newborn!

It's the OP's home, it's where she is supposed to bring up a child and she doesn't want them there. It is very unclear how much they really need the money. What is very clear is that the OP is not being listened to, the lodgers are selfish and do not care about the OP's feelings and her partner is sticking up for them. They don't have to share with a newborn. They can move out. But I suspect they won't and the OP's partner will do nothing. This is a dangerous and chaotic situation to bring a child into. I would spare your sympathy for the lodgers. They sound like they are friends of the OPs partner. I hope you are still here OP, because to bring a baby back to a filthy chaotic house is not good. If your partner is not going to support you, you need to take action to protect yourself and your baby.

Get a cleaner in twice a week and increase their rent to cover it.

They are people that my partner knows. One was already renting a room when I moved in and the other guy left randomly. He was selling weed and smoking it in the house and just vanished one day last year so I don't know. My partner got in another guy so there's 2 now. It's not an official thing with contracts it's just people he knows of.
They treat the house like a shit hole. I'm trying to prepare it as best I can for the arrival of a child. I will spend hours tidying when I've finished work or if I'm off. Within a day the fridge will be a mess and foods dropped on the floor. The sides are never wiped down and they have our plates and items in their rooms so sometimes I don't have anything to dish dinner out on to.
I ordered new plates and bowls and already some have gone missing.
I left the note because I'm well and truly fed up of trying when no one else gives a toss. I'm still getting greif off my partner today. He said one of the guys has taken a massive issue to being told to bring our stuff down instead of holding it in their rooms.
I don't want to be going in to their rooms to fetch my stuff but it might very well get to that point soon. My hormones are all over and I'm trying to make it a home for the child but I just can't.

My partner had these people in to pay off something to do with his car but does not desperately need the money anymore. I said I want them gone before December or we need to look at a new house if we can not afford it.
He's agreed to get rid but he barely has the balls to tell them to tidy up their messes.

I'm worried I'm just not getting any support and understanding and I don't know what to do. I'm the arsehole for being fed up of this situation I guess.

I'm abit shocked at some of the comments on here feel sorry for the renters? I feel sorry for my child having to put up or be around people like that or be in this situation!

The child was not planned so it is unexpected. The child is very much wanted though which is why I am trying to sort living arrangements and prepare my home for the child.

It sounds like this man is far more obligated to them and or afraid of these two than you. That is why he hasn't got rid of them. It also sounds like your man is running some sort of halfway house for all these so called friends of his.

And why December as well; these two need to be gone (and further still not yet again replaced with people your partner knows) at the very latest in a month's time.

The impending baby might be very much wanted by you but it isn't by your partner I'm afraid. He doesn't give a shit about it or you.

This a dreadful set up.
You are the only person who cares.
You are in a very vulnerable situation practically, financially abd emotionally.
It really looks as if you are going to have to make plans to leave and go it alone.
You cannot have a new baby in this set up.
I am so sorry.

I don't feel sorry for the renters but don't see how they can live with a newborn baby. Do they work?

This isn't safe. You're partner for whatever reason brings in random men who have no respect for you as a person. I don't imagine they will have respect for a baby or toddler or child . You don't know their background their aren't any checks on them .

Vulnerable doesn't begin to cover it. This will be a safeguarding situation when you're child is born.

In your shoes I would get out.

I think I would leave. You know his much stress and isolation a baby can bring.. No way would I do it in a dirty house with a partner who tells me off for wanting to sort it.

It is his home, he has made that very clear. Get tour own home and look after yourself

I do feel sorry for the lodgers. Not a lot, and I feel a hell of a lot sorrier fly you.

But from their point of view - they're paying their money, happily living in a shitpit that their landlord is totally relaxed about. Next thing, landlord's girlfriend moves in, changing the dynamic and leaving notes about plates and cups that they (and their landlord) cannot be arsed about. And now on top of that, the girlfriend is pregnant so they must know they're either going to get told to go or they're going to be sharing with a baby. Total change of dynamic and probably being woken in the night.

Now - shit happens, life changes, renting is insecure - lodging even moreso. So my heart isn't bleeding for them. But if they were my friends telling me about a girlfriend moving in, being fussy (compared to their landlord) and now there was going to be a baby? I'd say "oh no - bad luck mate!"

These lodgers are not the problem - your boyfriend is.

Because when they move out, you're still left with a dirty boyfriend who didn't care about you enough to sort this out. That personality is going to resurface in other ways

You are very vulnerable - as others have said, speak to your midwife, and look at your housing options.

This baby wasn't planned - so your boyfriend is not prepared at all, and may not care about getting prepared

I agree with Florriesma upthread. I think you are in a very vulnerable situation and need to show your boyfriend that you will not stay there - if that means moving out, so be it. You and your baby will be better off. Your boyfriend's refusal to prioritise you and your baby at this time tells you all you need to know.

I just re-read, and you say that your boyfriend has already agreed that they'll go.

When?

In the meantime, do not clean up after any of them. Certainly don't retrieve things from their room - apart from not clearing up their shit, you really shouldn't be on your rooms.

If it's intolerable for you to be in that mess, move out until they do.