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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I feel like my mum is trying to sabbotage me.

5 replies

staryeyed · 24/03/2007 14:52

Through no choice of my own, I live with my mum and I cant wait to move out. I read through the other post about crap mums and mine is no way on that level but she isn't good either. She constantly interferes with how I raise my son. She gives advice that is not asked for and goes on and on about her opinion and forces the issue. I feel like I'm a teenager trapped again. My mum is very controlling and she never let me express my feelings. If I was upset she would make me worse by telling me that it was my fault. So when I started keeping my problems to myself, she said I was selfish and wouldn't let me be by myself in my room.

Because she made so many mistakes with me and my siblings I am trying so hard not to do the same. But she is imposing her views to the point of bullying. I keep quiet because I don't want a tense environment for my son and she is such a difficult woman I cant even make a request with out her going off on one. I feel like I'm stuck and trapped with no way out. I don't follow her advice I just keep quiet or say "mmm" and do my own thing but the other thing she does is make sly comments. I leave my son at home while I go to work part time. He is happy with her and when I come home, later in the evening, my son will cry about hurting himself or not getting his way as little ones do, and she will say something like "must be because you've been out all day" or "he must be cross because you left him". I feel like she is trying to make me feel guilty for leaving him. She also makes the same comments about Dp - we don't live together. He was really tired the other night so I sent him home to get some rest. when he left I put my son in the bath and she said "so he didn't stay to help you then".She makes comments like that all the time and what really worries me is that she has started to say things to my son like that. As my son was doing something the other day she insisted he was a genius and I said he is good but I don't like labels like genius. Then she twisted what I said and said to my son "well I think you're clever even if your mum doesn't". She also makes out I'm really mean because I don't let him eat crisps and watch kids TV all day long. She is really undermining me as his parent. Luckily right now he is to young to really understand but it really gets to me.

My plan is to eventually move out with Dp and get a child minder but sometimes it feels so far away. The older my son gets the more damaging I think her comments and "observations" will be. Just needed to off load.

OP posts:
mytwopenceworth · 24/03/2007 15:53

get out. get out now!

really. is there no way? move in with your dp? rent a bit?

sometimes you have to change your plans and even if it isnt the ideal moving on situation, you have to make do. because when she starts undermining you to your child, that is too too far.

nowornever · 24/03/2007 16:00

Don't let ds learn that this is how families work. Personally I think it would be better for him to overhear some rows than to soak up this drip-drip-drip undermining nastyness.

sexylady · 24/03/2007 18:55

i can imagine how difficult it would be to live back at home with my mum, as most mums they probably only mean well but it is really annoying when they go on.

it's time to get a place of your own whether it be buying a small house or renting. in the mean time could you go to loads of organised groups with your child to get away from all this agrivation.

Jennylee · 24/03/2007 19:20

you need to get out, my mum is exactly the same on visits, never mind living with her.
You both need to plan to move in together this year in a real way. Aas really she will throw it in your face that you live in her house and what can you say to that. sorry your mum is an ass sometimes, mine is too

staryeyed · 24/03/2007 21:33

Thanks for your replies. I know I need to leave. We have such an unhealthy relationship and I know that will impact my son eventually. I wish I could go now to be honest but I just can not afford it. b nznzvcxz -(contribution from my son lol).

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