Am i being paranoid? Is something going on?

[Nainer123]

I'm not sure how to start this or what is going on. My DP has been acting differently over the past month or so. I'll start at the beginning though.
I have always trusted him with out a shadow of a doubt. We are very open and I feel like i can talk to him about anything. We have always been the type of people that would be open if we found someone attractive ECT. We are human and both aware we will and can find other people attractive. I've never felt jealous if when we were together he said look at her or catch him looking at another female ect. I do the same things and considering he's with me why would I feel jealous. I've always felt very secure in our relationship.
Anyway in the middle of my pregnancy (I'm 35 weeks) so around 20 or so weeks, I started to feel really insecure which was weird for me as I havent really felt like this before so I told him, like I say we are open and honest with each other. I told him that it wasn't anything he's been doing dofferently in particular but when I see him glance and another girl or talk about girls from his work or see a girl looking at him (all of which doesnt happen too often but I've been picking up on it more) I feel a bit jealous and insecure but I am fully aware that this is more about how I'm feeling and my self esteem being pregnant. I feel huge and unattractive ECT. He of course was sweet said I've nothing to worry about and felt bad that I've been thinking like that.
Now I feel like he is talking about this one particular girl from his work more often and I know they are friendly but i can't help feel like he's doing it on purpose since I mentioned to him it's been getting to me. I'll ask him like what you up to today and he will say things about going to meet up with other girls ECT and laugh like it's a joke and maybe before I was pregnant I would laugh to and tell him to crack on but now I feel like since I've spoke to him about it he shouldn't be joking about it since I've made it clear its getting to me.
About a week or so ago we were in bed and I couldnt sleep (pregnancy) he mumbled another girls name in his sleep and cuddled up into me. I got really upset and we spoke in the morning he said he doesn't remember dreaming about any other girls and there's no one else ECT. So we spoke and moved passed it. Then 2 days later I found a long black hair in our bed I have light hair no way it was mine. He said he had no idea how it got there or who's it was. I was confused but it was one hair and could have came from anywhere so didn't want to dwell on it. Last night it was half 10 at night and all of a sudden he wanted to go out for a walk. We used to go out on late night walks all the time but I have been really unwell in this pregnancy and not long out of hospital and have been ordered to rest so there is no way I'd be going for a walk. It was random he wanted to go he didn't ask me to come obviously as he knew there no way I'd be able to. He went out at half 10 and came back in at around midnight. He said he went a walk around the local area. It was weird and something he wouldn't normally have done unless we were both going. I don't make a big deal out of it, i mentioned I thought it was strange before he went out but he said he just felt like a walk, so I left it. Then today I went to pick up his phone and he almost fell over himself trying to stop me. We argued about something and he stormed out for about 6 hours. The argument was nothing and we have had way worse but this time he walked out and didn't come back for hours and we haven't really spoken since he got in.
I'm not saying he is cheating I really don t want to believe that but maybe he is losing interest in our relationship? I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm over thinking and being paranoid or if something is going on.

I should mention I've asked if anything is going on and he says no. But somethig has changed, he's acting very different. Hot and cold sometimes he's very loving and affectionate and other times he's so distant it's like we live in different countries.
Is pregnancy making me crazy or am i justified in the way I feel?.

I dunno what to do. I want to just confront it I hate stuff hanging over my head but then again I dont want to because once it's said it can't be un said. I'm going to have to do something though.

Sadly looks like he has someone else. Ask for full access to his phone.

I feel incredibly naive hoping it can all just be explained but I always trust my instincts and something tells me something is going on. I'll have to find out one way or another. I'm dreading this :(

PollyGasson24
There's loads you can look for on a phone that won't have been cleared.
Obviously, calls, messages, apps, photos would have been deleted but there's so much more you can check

Like what, user? I could do with a little check-list...

Settings - safari - website data
Battery use for last day and week
Location settings

Ok. iPhone only.

Location

settings
privacy
location svs (turn on if not)
system svs (at bottom)
frequent location
This gives location of phone with dates and times

Usage

settings
battery
gives useage over last 24hrs or 7 days including deleted apps

Photos
Deleted photos are stored for 30 days in recently deleted album so check there.

Emojis
Unfortunately you can no longer reset 'frequently used' emojis but by creating a fake text (don't send just delete) of random emojis you can change the frequently used ones, take a photo with your phone and then periodically check for new suspect ones appearing that haven't been sent to you.

Oh dear, this really doesn't sound good. The hair in the bed would be enough for me!

It doesn't seem like it's looking good. I'm going to try and see what I can find out today.

I really hope it's nothing op for your sake but it's not looking good. Here's a hand hold for you.

What an absolute fucker. I'm absolutely fuming. You sound so bloody nice and reasonable and it's really obvious he's up to no good and you being heavily pregnant as well. Fucker.

Sorry OP. As others have said all the signs seem to lead to one explanation.

If you're usually very open with each other you need to sit down with him and basically tell him what you've written down here. The weird late night walks. The sudden privacy over his phone. The mysterious black hair. His change in attitude. All the typical cliches of a cheater.

Be prepared though for some amazing explanation and him blaming your pregnancy hormones!

Be strong

I really would not recommend confronting him right now. What's the point? Some people lie depressingly well and easily, as mentioned upthread. Some people manufacture arguments over nothing in order to storm off and put distance between you - as you have already spotted.
There are lots of MNers on here who really feel for what you are going through, especially when heavily pregnant. The adrenaline rush is just awful.
Try to calm yourself a little so you can think straight and decide what you want to do. Do not rush to react. Pretend everything is normal, even though the emotional pain is unbearable. You have yours and your DC's future to consider. Be wise and remove all financial documents or copies - yours and his - passports, birth certificates to a trusted friend's house. If eventually you decide to split , maybe after you have found conclusive proof on his phone/PC, you will need them to get a decent settlement.
Confide in someone IRL to alleviate the pain.

I'm not sure I can keep up the pretence of normality. I feel really low and stressed about it. I'm the type of person that needs to confront it. We spoke this morning and we are both busy during the day so are going to properly talk tonight. He doesn't know specifically what I want to talk about but knows something is up. I'm not worried about him deleting text ect. I'll ask to see his phone and I'll ask if anything has been going on and I'll trust my instincts when he gives me an answer. My instincts are usually spot on I just didn't know if I was over thinking things and going a bit crazy due to pregnacy hormones (they make me feel mental sometimes) All your replies have confirmed to me I was right in thinking this is shady. Thank you so much for helping me recover my sanity. But I need to confront this issue. I love him very much and I cant live with this hanging over our relationship. I need to know one way or another then I can figure out where to go from there be it good or bad. Thanks again everyone!

I too understand about pretence of normality. Its very very difficult, have been doing it for 8 months at the moment . When he goes on about future plans I have an urge to saydont bother, not sure if Im going to be around. It is however as the lawyer told me the best way, do things in your own time, at a time that suits best for you rather than unorganised chaos. Personally I wouldnt confront at the moment, I would just say you were a bit upset about him storming out. Keep an online diary at the moment and note things that seem odd. Check receipts of stuff and look at the last 4 digits of card number used in case he is using another one you dont know about. If he uses Whatsapp at all, PM me for email address of tracking site and you can see how much he is on it, even if he has his "last seen" locked down. Take the advice of lady above re location settings if you can grab his phone for a few minutes , it doesnt email o alert them if you change it. Its all very well people saying dont snoppyI think you have good reason and how the hell are you expected to find out otherwise if they arent coming clean. It may of course be all nothing , and I really hope for you it isnt.

that should of course have said snoop

Good luck tonight. I totally get why you'd want to just confront it. Xxxx

Is there a way to retrieve deleted messages on iPhones? Are they not stored on iCloud's? Am painfully ignorant about the magic iCloud

Sounds like something shady... sorry OP! I really hope it isn't though. X

I have been in a very similar situation myself and feel incredibly sorry for you. The ghastly feeling of uncertainty when every instinct is telling you that something is wrong but you don't want to believe it could be true - it is truly gut wrenching. You need to try to think calmly and investigate as much as you can, as others have said. Do you have a very close friend or relative you could confide in? If you could find someone who would help you with, say, following him that would make matters easier. I ended up putting a tracking device in my ex's car to check where he was going. It's terribly sad to resort to that sort of thing but your DH has given you every reason to suspect him and you cannot live with that degree of uncertainty, especially when you're about to have a baby.

It's not looking good

But whether or not he's cheating, I'm sorry but I find it bloody weird he tells you how hot the girls at work are and random girls on the street

I mean yeah he's gunna find other women attractive. I see plenty of good looking guys. Do I feel the need to tell my partner? No. It's weird.

Any update OP? X

Just an update. We had a talk spoke everything through. Turns out he was keeping something from me it wasn't another woman. So we talked and are sorting things out. Obviously things aren't 100% back to where they were but things are back on track. We are working things out and I feel massively relieved. I believe him 100% that its not about another woman and what it has been about makes much much more sense and is much easier to work through and get over. Thanks everyone for your advice. I'm glad we are sorting through stuff.

That's good OP. How did he react when you asked to check his phone?

He offered me his phone to look through, admitted to deleting text, again wasn't another woman. Secrets were being kept but it wasn't what it appeared to be. Laid everything out so we can build on a clean slate. Made it very clear he has to earn my trust back I can't freely give it. I have forgiven him for keep it things from me but made it clear I won't put up with it happening again as it concerns both of us not just him. He's been very apologetic and seemed genuinely appalled it came across as speaking to/seeing another woman.