Poor communication

[IronicBionic]

So at the moment all I feel towards DP resentment and anger and I want to fix this. Please bear with me, it will be a long post.

I'm aware that I just don't have a single nice thing to say to him, all I can say about him is he loves us all and helps with our 4yo, everything else in my mind is negative. I can't speak nicely to him so now speak blandly and devoid of emotion.

Background info is - we have a 7week DD and 4yo DS. Since DD birth I have not slept for more than 4 hrs a night. Mostly broken into small naps as expected with a little one. 3 times since her arrival he has offered to stay up with her so I may nap - longest being a mere 2hrs before waking me - she is mixed fed so he can feed her but pays no attention to her routine so hasn't a clue when she's hungry/tired. Once I handed her to him and said I was having a rest - he huffed and said he needs to be in bed soon too. Hes out 10 hrs a day with 1hr drive/commute as a labourer usually driving tipper truck/excavator etc. So hard work but not always physical.

These few occasions are all after 4yo is in bed so he hasn't both to juggle. Ive had both several times all day on my own as 4yo has been ill/DP working weekend.

How gets 6+ hrs in bed a night - DD and I in nursery so not disturbed and sleeps in till gone 10 uninterrupted on weekends. Any naps I try to take when DD sleeps is interrupted by 4yo fetching me.

Bugger hit post too soon ...

I'm knackered and hate the way he asks "anything you want me to.do?" Rather than bloody just taking over, doing whats.needed. The phrasing pisses me off as it sounds like he's offering a favour. I do minimum washing cooking cleaning to keep house livable but have still been called lazy since having DD

He got up for one hr total on Saturday and went out for a smoke, leaving DS to come in and wake me and DD. So no nap. Then slept till gone 6, woke and went to shops leaving me to do dinner/baby/bathtime. I am now.aware I don't need him.around and wonder if I even want him around. Which is horrible.

To add I try to nap when DD does, DS in kinder but they vary from 40mins to 90mins and I struggle to nod off. Or by the time I quickly throw on washing/ wash bottles and lay down she's starting to stir.

Approaching issues with dp negatively isn't going to be productive so how do I fix this? As telling him hes being crap is just more negativity on top. The last time I paid him a compliment/praised him was after my labour.

I feel for you Op, being exhausted juggling young children is hard and I can see why you feel unsupported by your DH. I wonder though if you may have PND as an additional factor, have you any other family or friends around that can give you a break? x

Thank you for replying, I know so many others have a much more difficult time and I'm trying to cope as best I can.

I have gone to the dr and have a script for ads as left it too late to with DS to get diagnosed with pnd and aware it may be happening now.

I need to start them but I'm worried about side effects when I'm already so exhausted.

No friends or family, it's just us. NC with parents and others all live 3+ hrs drive and have their own commitments/family.