Dear Wasband.
Get off your fucking arse and get out of your fucking room, which you've been in for the last 3 hours. It's the weekend. Oh I forgot, the weekend to you means taking it easy, playing computer games, getting stoned and drinking at odd times of the day. Just enough to drop in that you can't drive to pick up your own DD.
Then after a while you might come out of your room all happy and jolly stoned and put the TV on to watch something. Meanwhile, I've been washing the kids uniform, stopping them from killing each other, trying to persuade them to get off the device of the moment. In between, cleaning the bathroom, wiping the piss off the toilet, mowing the lawn, hanging the washing out, changing the beds... Oh the list is endless.
But you're 'too ill' or stressed to do anything. Poor delicate flower. You need time to recuperate from your busy and important business because that's the most important thing isnt it? And you'll be present but you won't be there, not really. You'll get stressed out by naughty DS and you'll put your head in your hands and give up, shuffling back to your room. Have another spiff or a drink, that'll do the trick.
Meanwhile, I'll hear your door close and it will be another shred of love and respect gone. Because I thought I wasn't saying the right things, that you didn't quite understand how exhausted I was. I'd justify it as, yes, I know you're ill, you've been diagnosed and you see a psychiatrist and you've talked about suicide and and and. So I can't really be angry at you, you can't cope. You had a traumatic childhood. You're on meds. You're stressed. You're working so hard. You knew how to work my guilt. I remember once you saying that if you feel guilty you must be guilty. Hmm.
So many years I excused you. And you knew how to work me. You'd use phrases like 'we need a break'. We. Bringing me into your fold. Fostering loyalty. Talking about fidelity and sticking together and no-ones ever divorced in your family. Your parents put each other first before their kids. I never bought that one actually. Misplaced loyalty from me, wasn't it? I remember the time when I had a thought it was possible to leave you, after years of struggling. I put down that loyalty for a second and Christ, it was like I was in another realm. It was an amazing feeling. Then I thought no, I can't do that. I'm too loyal, I've made my bed, marriage vows blah blah blah. Back to the depths of despair.
Then the time came. It was a year or so after that. I was amazingly calm actually. Your entitled behaviour removed every last morsel of respect and love. You had taken DD to work on a Sunday as you were so behind with your work. I had taken DS to football - remember that job that should have been yours but you'd find every excuse not to go. About the only job actually.
You phoned me because you'd forgotten your office keys. You wanted me to leave DS, go home, get the keys and bring them to work for you. I refused. Oh dear, I refused. Little lady wouldn't do as she was told. There were a few cross words. You turned up at the match, face like thunder. I took DD as she was crying. What she told me next sealed the deal. You ranted and raved in the car. You said that I was only part time, what's the problem? You raved that you wanted a divorce. You slapped the window. Really? Fucking really? In front of our DD? No, just no.
Since then you've been fucking around. playing on my heart strings, which did work for a while. Silly me. Then you started to hound me, I'd made a unilateral decision, that's unfair. I've got problems, why did I want to move around all the time, I've got no empathy, I'm cold.
When I sent you the first solicitors letter, you went fucking stratospheric. You insisted that I couldn't do this as you were ill and covered by the Disability Act. Your lawyer was going to decimate my provincial solicitor. You'll make sure I have nothing. I made the mistake of recording it. See I had doubted things before. Had I said X? Did I not say Y? Did you not say Z? You tried to wrestle the phone off me. The kids came running in. Did you have no shame? No care for the kids? They were crying, they were distraught.
Then came the character assassination. I was a bully. You told that to the kids?!? I heard it, a number of times. DD tells me you still call me a bully. You also mentioned suicide. DD is scared of that now. Can you imagine the impact on her?
So it's over. Me and the kids are away from you, doing just fine. You want the kids 50:50. Don't make me laugh. You're still trying to dictate the terms. Taking it to the brink with each stage. Tosser. Still won't disclose your financial details. You're like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
At the beginning, you said you wanted to know why I wanted to end our marriage, you couldn't understand. Now I know that you're not the person I thought you were. Now I don't care if you don't understand. Because if you're not capable of understanding then you're not capable of being a loving husband.
Goodbye