Is he really ready to move forwards?

[Doyoureallywantme]

I've recently split with a man who was widowed five years ago. He's ended it once before. I feel very compared to his late wife - when things are going well he says that he's happier with me/our sex life/everyday life than he was with his late wife but then he pulls away and I can do nothing right while he remembers all the things he loves about his late wife. Trivial things such as I'm not as good a cook, not as houseproud, am too mouthy (ie I have an opinion different to his sometimes). He still has large canvas photos up of her opposite his bed which makes me feel as if I'm being watched when in bed with him although I've never told him.

I've always been happy for him to talk to me about her and his feelings and have given him space whenever needed. He is generally very down and misses her dreadfully.

I'd love to sort things out but am told by my friends that I'll never measure up to what he expects of me.

He's obviously still grieving and probably not ready for another relationship. Can you gently let him go?

How sad for your partner, and what a difficult situation for you too, OP. It sounds as if he's not ready to be in a new relationship to me. From what you've said you fully expect that she will always be in his thoughts, which is only natural and something you seem to be dealing with . . . not sure he should have the canvas prints in his bedroom; surely a different room would be more appropriate . . . hard to know, though.

I think it's probably for the best that you've broken it off - maybe further down the line you could look at getting back together, but it sounds as if he's still preoccupied and not ready.

Hopefully someone who has been in this situation can give you some good advice . . .

I agree with your friends. The minute I get compared to a previous partner, dead or alive, I'd be done.

He was the one to end it with me. I'm still not totally clear why, it seemed a huge over reaction on his part. We're still in touch daily but he doesn't seem to want to get back together.

I don't feel jealous of her, I admire her. But I want to be accepted for who I am. I'm a different person with my own qualities, strengths and weaknesses.

Whatever his past, it's totally unacceptable for him to openly compare you to his deceased wife! That and having dumped you twice should be enough for you to cut contact IMO. Why hang around for a man who does these things?

However hard he's finding to grieve for his late wife, it's unacceptable to treat you, the way he is

Thank you, I see the nice side of him and wish I was enough.

It sounds like HE isn't enough for YOU.

A "nice side" isn't enough if there is a not nice side, which he has often shown you. If you want a good relationship and to feel better best end the frequent contact with him.