My sister is a witch - long

[chirpygirl]

Background - As a child my father was very abusive (mentally and physically) to myself and my sisters. I found out a few years ago that my mum knew nothing of the worst physical abuse, she knew we were smacked and she knew he was a bastard but that was all. He also mentally abused her for the 30 years they were married.
She divorced him around the time she found out how bad it was for us for that and some other reasons.
I don't have a relationship with my father now but talk to my mum all the time.

One of my sisters confronted my father and he denied anythig of the sort ever happened, so for some reason she has decided to blame my mum for not stopping it. She has told my mum she never wants to see her or speak to her again and is refusing to answer her calls/letters etc. She has a daughter who is 10 and we know she is poisoning her against my mum and the rest of us (as we are sticking up for my mum)
My mum is understandably distraught by this and can't understand why my sister is being like this when the rest of us say she is a drama queen and talking crap.

My problem is she won't allow any of us to contact her, we get hung up on and ignored. I want to do something to reconcile them as, well, I do, but am at a loss as to what.
I am going to visit my mum in a few weeks and my sister lives about 20 minutes from her so should I just turn up?
I am 3 months pregnant and would have my 13 month old DD in tow....

Should we just allow her to cut us out? part of me thinks we should as she has always caused rows and arguments but a bigger part of me is upset at not being able to see my niece.

Sorry for rant, needed to get it all out.

thanks for listening

I know its difficult for you, and for your mother too.
But your Mum is going to have to allow your sister to "come to" in her own time.
I don`t think its appropriate for your Mum to be the one making demands on your sister.

This sentence stands out to me:

"My mum is understandably distraught by this and can't understand why my sister is being like this"

What is so difficult for your mum to understand?
Your sister is hurting and feels let down. Her abuse has been blatantly denied by the person who did it. It takes phenomenal strength of character to face an abuser.
Your mum wasnt there for her (whatever the reasons), and <span class="italic">even</span> <span class="italic">now</span> your mum cant put your sisters feelings before her own. When you called your sister a "witch" to your Mum, did your Mum defend her? Because it sounds like you said it to make your mum feel better. Your mum wants your sister to forgive her because it will make your mum feel better. Your sister isnt ready to forgive and forget, and you cant force her to. These things take time. I know this sounds harsh, and Im only going on what you`ve posted on Mumsnet, but if you honestly want my opinion (and I also had an abusive childhood), I would leave your sister to approach you in her own time.

Write her a letter if you like as long as you are not acting as your Mum`s puppet. Make sure its from the heart, and that you are not defending your mum, but that you love your sister, and will be there for her whenever she feels ready (if this is true).

chirpygirl - I think your decision on how to approach your sister is right and I wish you luck with it.

Unless you have been in an abusive situation you will not understand how absolutely possible it is to cover it up, even from people close to you. Even if your mum ought to have found out, she didn't and your sister is vindicated to a degree to feeling bitter about that. However I suspect she obviously has the security with your mum of being able to blame her and know that at some point in the future she will be able to resuurect the relationship. She probably knows that if she gives your Dad an equally hard itme she won't see him for dust and there is an element in the abused/abuser relationship that bizarrely makes you want their approval (at least until you have truly come to terms with it).

I need to clarify, the comments I have made about my sister have only ever been on here, never in RL, to anyone.

Thanks for your support though guys.

"the rest of us say she is a drama queen and talking crap"

It kind of sounds like you and others have been saying these things about your sister.