Sounds like a player - feeling 💔

[siillygoose]

I am really sad at the moment and feeling quite shitty. I have talked on another thread about Mr Witty, guy from the office who was very flirty. He invited me out but specified it was not a date since he doesnt fish at work... we have been chatting and hanging out a lot and he became what I called my no-boyfriend (he writes all the time, always wants to hang out, he received great news and couldn't wait to tell me first, etc).

And although I trusted his word, there were these small details that made me think he fancied me. On the other hand, he was OLD and he told me about it. He had 2 dates with a girl he really liked, deactivated his okcupid profile, but the girl didnt want to pursue so he was feeling down and I invited him over for drink. That day he was very touchy and he ended asking me out on a date. To sum up: he spent the night and ww has swz in tbe moI am really sad at the moment and feeling quite shitty. I have talked on another thread about Mr Witty, guy from the office who was very flirty. He invited me out but specified it was not a date since he doesnt fish at work... we have been chatting and hanging out a lot and he became what I called my no-boyfriend (he writes all the time, always wants to hang out, he received great news and couldn't wait to tell me first, etc).

And although I trusted his word, there were these small details that made me think he fancied me. On the other hand, he was OLD and he told me about it. He had 2 dates with a girl he really liked, deactivated his okcupid profile, but the girl didnt want to pursue so he was feeling down and I invited him over for drink. That day he was very touchy and he ended asking me out on a date.

In short, great date, he spent the night and we had sex in the morning. All very natural, he held my hand pretty much until the office. He asked how I felt, if I regretted it, if we could see each other again... This is Friday. Saturday comes and we can meet but I see him not only active in okcupid but with a brand new "About me" and pfff so I didnt feel that close to him and said lets talk on the phone instead of meeting. He got pretty upset thinking I got cold feet. We ended up meeting. Again, nice conversation for hours and we had sex at sunrise. I know for a fact that he doesnt want a fwb arrangement. He is looking for long term, as in life long. I told him I wanted him to be my boyfriend and he said he is.

That was about 14 h ago. He doesnt know I am checking his okcupid but I created a new profile and found gim online. Not only that, he also visited mine (fake).

I feel like shit. I honestly thought he was one of the decent guys but it doesn't feel good that he ia still looking does it? I am new to thia dating thing and honestly dont know what is normal and if I am wrong/overreacting

Why don't you ask him about his OKCupid profile?

No, you're not wrong or overreacting. If he's still actively online and editing profiles, he's still looking. He's not your boyfriend.

I know it's easier said than done, but you need to bin him off.

Unless of course you just want to shag him, in which case, fill your boots 😉

He has even sent a message to my fake profile Yes, I feel so shitty.

Still would like to be dignified:

• Ignore him? (We work together)
• Tell him I am no longer interested? Reason: sex was awful haha
• Tell him the truth: I know you keep looking online?

Third one.

I know you're still looking for someone else, and I don't want to be the one on standby. Plus you lied and I hate liars.

This is why they tell you not to get involved with people you work with.

Sorry you feel shitty

But he didn't lead you on: he told you it wasn't a date and he didn't 'fish' at work. You chose to sleep with him. He is having fun with you but told you specifically the didn't want to have a relationship with someone from work so why are you surprised? He hasn't done anything wrong.

He told you very specifically there would be no relationship and you had sex any way. You're in control of this because now you get to decide not to do it again. He does want a relationship, just not with you so please stop having sex with him, you're a snack to him. Its not personal its just you're not the one and vice versa.

"he doesn't fish in the work place"
He doesn't want a relationship with you.
He even made it specific it's was not going to be a date.
Chalk it up to experience and forget about him.

What's the having sex got to do with it when it was after that he told her actually he wants to be her boyfriend?

Send cloudchasing's text or email. He's keeping his options open which is fine if you know that - not if he is telling you otherwise.

He never said he wants to be her boyfriend, before during or after sex. She said she wanted him to be her boyfriend after sex (cringe) and he said "I am". But he's clearly not so really actions speak louder than words on this one. If she wants a fuck buddy he's it. If she wants a boyfriend she needs to stop serving sex up with this guy because he's not interested in committing to a relationship with her.

So how can she trust anything he says then - by that explanation surely anything and everything he has said up until this point is a lie! Even after sex he could have set her straight then, that he considered it a no-strings hook up?

thethoughtfox he said that 2 months ago, and that is the reason we started hanging out. I didnt want to flirt at work either, but we started a friendship.

However, a week ago he made clear that he wanted to label our "meeting" last Thursday as a date and that he was asking me out.

I chatted with him last night and told him that if he wants to meet "romantically" I want us to be exclusive. If not, I am happy to keep hanging out as friends. He sais he is not dating anyone else but if it changes he will be honest. Not very committal but that's ok as long as he is clear. That he is not when saying different things at different moments. He said we are "seeing each other".

Kissing and sex only happened when he labeled us as dating. When he said he liked me a lot more than friends.

He replied to mt fake profile that he is looking for the one and only. That the moment he commits he closes his profile but until then, he dates but doesnt sleep around since he can't Separate sex from feelings.

I think that he has probably told me we are not at the same point. But also a bunch other things.

We were happy as friends, no idea why to fuck that. And he knows my marriage ended because of cheating.

I think he is telling me bullshit but I am not going to confront yet. I will wait a couple of weeks until my mind is clearer.

What I mean is that all this happened in the last 5 days - from friends to two dates to sleeping together twice. All very quick. It is the words that annoy me.

Hang on, if he knows your marriage ended over cheating ..so that means you certainly do! Its not his responsibility to save you from yourself here OP. His actions are telling you everything, hell he's even told you he doesnt want a relationship with someone he works with , he's messaging others still - believe him. Stay friends and keep your underwear firmly on!

From where i'm standing, he wants sex & nothing else.

LesisMiserable is right. it's not his responsibility to save you.

Listen to what he says

Listen to what he says

Which bit? He contradicts himself so massively.

I've said I didn't want a workplace relationship in the past and ended up in one, it happens all the time.

I'm not sure why anyone is keen to paint this man as consistent when he is anything but. He is clearly a liar and a player.

Just tell him you're not feeling it OP, you don't have to give him a reason. If he pushes it you can tell him you don't trust him. Your antics on OKCupid, while absolutely justified as it turns out, I wouldn't admit to personally, although you should do what you feel.

Tell him the truth, then it's up to him say one way or other