Hello all
Thank you for taking the time to read this; I've never posted online before but I'd love to get some advice...For once I don't want to learn the hard way! Here goes..
I'm 34, married for four years. We suffer infertility but after a couple of operations, doctors are optimistic that I will conceive at some point. When my husband and I met I gradually realised that he was a heavy drinker. He would easily knock back ten lagers in a night and stumble off to bed. Sometimes he would become tearful, other times he would fall over/injure himself. Friday nights were the worst- we would order a takeaway and inevitably he would be completely blottoed. After he'd finished eating he would literally crawl up to bed leaving me to scrub the floors where he'd dropped his food and clean up. I started to resent him and his drinking. Before long he then started to become nasty after a drink. He would swear at me and he could misconstrue anything I said..I felt like I was walking on eggshells. One night it came to a head when he screamed abuse at me. I fled to my sons room and he followed and shouted into my face...I shook with fear but kept very calm and collected. The next day he was remorseful and I gave him an ultimatum- either stop drinking or I'm off. That was 18 months ago and he's not touched a drop since.
Over the last few months he's dropped lots of hints about how he misses having a drink to relax him. I've reasoned with him and reminded him of his previous escapades but he's gone into denial. I've suggested AA, counselling, visiting his GP and other outlets but he is adamant that he is not an alcoholic. Granted, he didn't drink every night but four times a week he would be paralytic and he couldn't control his alcohol intake- I was the one who had to pick up the pieces. He's now decided after his period of 'abstinence' that he wants to drink again- he says he'll be able to control it this time and that the only reason he quit drinking in the first place was because of me. He was becoming resentful that I've been stopping him drinking so tonight I've relented and told him to do what he wants.
I'm worried. He says that he will stop drinking again once we have a baby. I'm upset and confused. He doesn't want to tell family that he's going to drink again- his parents have witnessed his drunkenness but never seen the true extent of his behaviour. He's admitted that he simply can't be content without alcohol in his life and he's been miserable for a while.
I'm not sure I want to try for a baby in this situation. Hell Im not even sure if I want to stay married if he reverts back to his old ways. I'm so tired and so weary. I had a drink problem years ago- I've been sober for seven years. I've tried to help him from my own experience but he doesn't believe he has a problem. I don't mind other people drinking around me but it's going to be hard watching him make the bad choices I made.
Any advice would be much appreciated, thank you so much xxx