Please help me

[Sososad17]

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so sad and that my life is a mess and I don't know how I can take control of it. I just want to give up and curl in a little corner somewhere.

I don't have any family support. I have no extended family and don't speak to my mum and sister. The only person I've had for the last 7 years has been my partner. I'm financially and emotionally reliant on him and I've always thought him a good man. My work is unstable and I'm freelance. My partner has supported me and I'm finally getting to a place where I'm doing very well but it's precarious. I need to keep at it to try and consolidate my position but I feel like I just can't keep going.

I don't live with my partner. I moved out two years ago and live with flatmates. My rent is high and even though my job pays well it's unstable so some months I don't earn anything. I've been relying on my partner to help me pay me rent.

But I feel like I just can't go on. Although my partner is nice to me I feel like he is just passing time with me. His family hate me because they think I'm not good enough for him - he is a different culture. He's never stuck up for me. Also when I was younger I was homeless and I have a horrible fear of being homeless again. He's constantly promised he would help me buy my own place ( I have savings from the last 6 years but not enough to buy by myself) but every time we get close he pulls out.

The whole thing has left me feeling so depressed and low. I'm overweight and I cry all the time. I feel like I'm trapped and I can't leave and that I should just end my life.

Don't be embarrassed of who you are. Everybody is different, his family should be embarrassed for being so judgemental. By the sounds of it- if he wanted to buy with you and was able he would have done buy now. Perhaps give him an ultimatum? I would say if you're feeling to the point of ending your life you need to talk to somebody more than a forum, maybe call a helpline or see your doctor? I can promise you nothing is worth ending your life. Love and hugs

Thank you so much alice for replying. I feel like I can't talk to anyone in real life about this. And I also feel so desperately sad and angry with him. I feel he strung me along for years to make himself feel good but knowing he was never going to help me. So many times he let me believe I was just about to buy my own place and then he would make up a reason to pull out. I wish he had just said from the beginning he didn't feel comfortable helping me to buy a place. I would have understood as he doesn't owe me anything but it's the making promises that upsets me.

I feel like if I leave the relationship I will have to find another job and give up on my career which I would be so upset to do but it's just not sustainable by myself with no other support. I just don't know anymore. I feel miserable every way.

SosoSad do you have a sympathetic GP? Life sounds as if it's become quite overwhelming for you and I wonder if you could tell your GP how you're feeling. It sounds as though your problems could be helped by breaking them down, but you might need some help from a counsellor.

I echo alice's advice not to hurt yourself because nothing is worth that. Could you speak to the Samaritans this afternoon, and make a doctor's appointment tomorrow? 💐

Do you mean move in together or buy you a place?

I am sorry you are feeling so down.

saiman no he said he would help me buy a place. He always offered even when I said he didn't have to and I was saving and he built my hopes up so many times only to dash them. He understood how important having my own place is to me due to my childhood and how much I hate the uncertainty and instability of renting. Now I just feel like giving up on everything

Is the career something you could do part time, along with a steady part-time job? So you don't have to give up on it entirely, but you have some steady money coming in each month?

Why don't you think about a part buy part rent scheme. If he hasn't helped you thus far then I presume he is never going to do so. You have to start making some tough decisions to take back control of your own life. Once you are in the driving seat then you won't be so reliant on him.

Never, ever rely on a man to buy you anything. Work towards funding it yourself. If your choice of career is not sustainable as a stand alone option you must explore other avenues such as part time employment, which would afford you security to pay your own bills each month and time to pursue your current job.

I have to be honest op. I knoe this sounds awful, but i wouldnt be happy if my child was paying someones bills and going to buy them a place for themseleves. Moving in together, fair enough.

I would not be horrible to you, butbi would be concerned. And if someone poster here from you partners point of view. People would advise them to stop paying the bills and to definitely not buy them a place.

Standing on your own 2 feel will make you feel better and more secure.