when do they have the right to know?

[nosleepforme]

i have already finished my first trimester, but am still not ready to tell people yet. i know most will be understanding and respect that. only thing is dh and i do not get along with his family and really want to avoid telling them for as long as we can, as we dont feel close enough to share, (which is possible since we never see them - i only met the whole family after a year of being married). plus, we are already anticipating lots of fights over this with the parents in law and sil.
i was of the opinion that whenever you feel is the right time, it's ok.
over the weekend though, one of my friends came round to share her news. she told me that i had a right to know and that it was incorrect for her to keep it a secret any longer. (she just started showing.)
i'm confused. is it ok for me to keep the news a secret, or do i have to tell everyone?

I guess what she meant is 'I want to tell you myself instead of it coming out in rumours'

you don't need to tell anyone if you don't want to. but once you show people will talk. that's just the way it is.

I never really understand the need for huge announcements to all and sundry.

If you want to tell someone then do. Nobody has a right to know anything about you though.

Whoever you choose to tell has the right to now. You don't have to tell anyone anything! We are completely nc with all of my partners family, and as far as we know, they have know idea we have 2 children. It's none of their business at all.

No one has the "right" to know anything.

It's your choice, no one else's.

You don't need to tell anyone ever if you don't want to. I never made a big announcement or posted my scan online, just told people when I saw them from about 16 weeks.

I always thought it was ridiculous the pressure on Cheryl Cole to publicly confirm her pregnancy. She didn't owe anyone anything!

I hid my most recent pregnancy till 31 weeks for a variety of reasons. My husband and our parents were the only ones who knew. I'd have kept quiet till baby was born but we saw everyone at Christmas at 31 so figured we'd better come clean.

No one was hugely butt hurt about it when they found out

If/when you do tell people though, be aware some people might be offended if others knew before them. Then decide if you give a shit.

thank you so much everyone for your replies. i really appreciate it! i feel so much more comfortable with this decision now.

"be aware some people might be offended if others knew before them. Then decide if you give a shit."
i know some will cause big fights, especially sil, but i'm not all too bothered to turn a blind eye and ignore.

I didn't tell some people until I was 20 weeks it's completely up to you. You don't have to tell anyone until your ready there's no rule! Good luck! :)

@nosleepforme to minimise the butt hurt I contacted them separately before telling Facebook. I think it's usually pretty easy to anticipate who will get upset about these things

If you're both happy not to tell, and don't want the fallout, then don't tell. You don't even have to tell them as soon as baby arrives - you're allowed to tell people when you feel comfortable. Obviously some folk will be fine with this and others will create fuss, but if they're going to do that anyway I'd leave it as long as possible.

We told immediate family in the second trimester and various friends as we've seen them since (I'm enormous so no hiding it!). I'm having an ELCS this week and I'd say most people don't know I'm pregnant.

No one has a right to know. Personally, I won't feel comfortable telling people until DC has arrived safely. Whichever way is best for you is the one you should go for.

thanks @Dede124 i'm definitely gonna need all the luck! but feeling confident now that i have you lot telling me it's ok not to be ready yet.
@JennyLane yes, you are so right! it really is easy to guess who is going to get upset and who will try and cause a fight