How to take/feel about ex's comment.

[1DAD2KIDS]

My ex wife has just put on Facebook a comment aimed at me. Saying she is feeling better, set some goals, achieving them and saying thank you to the one person she can trust even they should hate her (the bit aimed at me).

Just to put into context my ex wife left me and the kids for another man. Caused a shit load of pain and destruction for me, the kids, both our families and (maybe just deserts) in the end her self. The other man (her far older step cousin) was a waste of space. Now she is alone, no real trustworthy friends (as far as I can see), broke, not a lot anything else and even her family (although I sure they love her deep down) are not huge fans.

Although she broke my heart and hurt me beyond measure I think I am the only true reliable person in her life. But someone has to care about her. She is the kids mother and to a certain extent still my responsibility. I her to so the best example she can to them. We get on fine and I help her out here and there and we talk fairly often. I seem to provide a lot of the emotional support and encourage her to make the best of her life. I think she is still battling some depression. Sadly she destroyed all the bridges (and the many I tried to repair) way passed the point of no return in terms of our marriage and relationship. She wants to get back with me now but there is no hope of that in my mind.

I just don't know how to take that comment. On one hand its nice praise to be recognised for being the only one who didn't give up on her (as an person not as a wife). On the other hand it makes me a little angry as it is a reminder of the horrible situation that she caused. It didn't have to be this way, she caused all that hurt for no benefit to anyone, just pain. I can put my finger on how I feel, it has thrown up a few emotions.

Sounds a lot like my kids mum. She seems to go from one train wreck of a relationship to another, and it's always me who picks up the pieces for her because I'm the only one who's been anything approaching decent to her, and I want the best for her because she's the mother to my children.

Ah well, maybe one day she'll sort herself out one day... You have my sympathies OP, even though I don't have much advice myself...

Ignore it. You don't need to take it any way at all. She is possibly trying to get back with you, but this public self flagellation is manipulative. Ignore it.

Well then she should just thank you in person rather than on social media.
It is complimentary but is basically a shout-out whereby she hopes you will melt at her gratitude and confirm you don't hate her (my sick sense of humour would want to comment "actually I do hate you" but you are the better person).
Nice to hear she is sorting herself out but I would neither comment nor react to it, mutual friends will read it and think yep lady, you made your bed, probably with an eyeroll to boot.
Carry on as you were.

She put the comment up to keep you emotionally involved as you are propping her up so of course she will keep turning to you.
She can behave any way she wants and you will be there to pick it up and make her feel better.
Try just being available for your children and let her make her own mistakes.
I think you enjoy the fact that you are the only one there for her it probably makes you feel good and useful.
Move on.

She's trying to get into your head with that comment. Hoping you'll cave and give her a second chance. Don't

Yeah, she's trying to keep you emotionally engaged with her.

Careful mate, I'd dial it way back for the sake of your mental health, long term. You can always be the saviour, if you are, she has even less of a reason to ever improve herself as a person.

Understandable.how it makes.you feel but agree that the best reaction is ignore/step back/vent here!!

There are many different ways she could of recognised your help and support: a card, a Pm or a simple conversation.But she didn't choose to use any of these ways, she used a public forum, don't assume this is just for your benefit, depending upon if she is a game player, it could be to wind her ex up or a dig at her family.

Nevertheless It's bound to create a wirlwind of emotions for you because you are still healing and rebuilding yourself. Thankfully you have the decency and strength of character to acknowledge that regardless of how she has behaved, she is still the Mother of your children. I find it admirable that you wish her well, "it takes strength to be gentle and kind ". Still remain determined about what you actually want, regardless of what she wants. Keep doing what you are doing and understand that you will have a wobble from time to time.I wish you well OP, it makes a welcome change to hear this viewpoint.

She's dangling a hook with a tasty tasty worm on the end. Are you going to be the gullible fish who bites, or the smarter one who just ignores it and moves on?

Well I don't try an be her saviour. She has asked things like can she move back to my city (she currently lives 100 miles away) and stay in the spare room for example. Of course its a no. But I have to admit it is in mine and the kids best interests if she picks her self back up. So the kids can have a stable and happy mother who hopefully can contribute more. I see no benefit to her going completely off the rails again. But as far as I can see this is her problem to dig her self out of. I can give her some encouragement but its her that has to put the work in. And this is what I keep telling her. Hopefully she is and seeing the results, not just all hot air. But I am very aware that if she had her way I would just roll the red carpet out for her. This is clearly not going to happen. I just wish she would put her life into order so her problems didn't roll over into mine and the kids problems.

He problems roll over into yours because you let them.
I think you are in complete denial regarding your feelings.
You sound like you quite like her failing as it makes you feel better because of what she did to you.
I would say take a big step back but you are obviously enjoying the contact.

Despite the FBI bullshit, she still is toxic and while you really aren't kidding anyone with your 'being the bigger person' act. You are clearly still waiting for her to be different and it doesn't sound like she's ready, let alone capable.

You have a choice, continue being her emotional doormat or don't but don't kid yourself that your current approach can be a catalyst for her to be the person you once loved and respected.

Disengage, disengage, disengage.

You don't understand what a complete nightmare it is for me if she was to completely fail long term. I had a taste of it recently when she went out of work. You see I like the weekend every two weeks she has the kids, plus some of the days in the school holidays. Although I am still at work often when I am kid free. But I get a little break and even maybe a little of a social life. I hope that dont sound selfish but although the kids always come first i dont think a weekend off every two weeks is too much to desire. When she lost her job, she obviously lost her earnings. She could not afford to come for the kids and have them. Plus as she live a 100 miles away if she got her car repossessed then that would totally stuff me. And of course it would be heart breaking for the kids if she went of the rails. Plus although I don't ask for any money from her when she is earning then she can afford to do some nice things with the kids that they love. Luckally she is back in work now. Plus she has been suicidal in the past (way before all this, since I first knew her) so that is always in the back of my mind.

I think I remember your previous thread OP, you all went on a family holiday after you split?

Like many of us said then, it is great the way you prioritise your kids, and your live for them always shines through.

Of course you want your kids to have a hands on mum, for their sakes and for you to be able to have a break now and then.

However, I think you must now accept that she will not be able to be as involved as she should, so you have to deal with the reality of what is happening rather than keep supporting her in order for her to be what you think she should be.

You are a single dad who does more than his fair share. You do a great job. It's hard, it's frustrating to be put in the situation you're in, with a co-parent who doesn't pull their weight, I know that only too well because I've been doing far more parenting, hell, all the parenting, for the past six years. And there are loads of other parents in exactly the same boat. But it is what it is. My kids dad is self absorbed and disengaged and I am constantly amazed at his indifference towards his kids.

But I accept it, roll my sleeves up and get on with it. You must stop trying to change her, and crucially, stop investing so much time and effort in supporting her. She's weak, she sees you as her rock, she needs to stop this, but she won't, so you have to make the change so she stands on her own two feet.

I think I said it on your old thread, but it's worth repeating: You can't fix her.

You can accept that for now your life is dominated by being a great dad. That will change as the kids grow up. You need to garner support from friends, relatives and build a new life for you.

She will always be their mum, but it's up to her to sort herself out and realise that she has to step up. In the meantime let her see that you can cope, you are moving on, but you will no longer enable her to make a mess of things.

Ultimately, if you always pick up the pieces, she'll never learn how to pick them up herself.

And block her on FB. Keep contact about the kids, nothing else. Set some boundaries, currently they're way too blurred

Agree with most of the other pps here. And I'd also say that you should remember "talk is cheap" - particularly "talk" posted at a nice comfortable distance, with little effort needed, on a social media platform.

Block her on fb set up a contact schedule stick to conversations on when she'll see kids next. Step back from being overly invested in how she sorts her life.
Leave her to it if she cancels contact just repeat a stock phrase ' see you at next scheduled access' do not get dragged into her excuses.
She is a grown up and a parent but you cannot change her if she wants to be neither.

My ex didn't want contact no matter how much I wished he'd step up and be a grown up. It was waste of my time I grew resentful of his selfishness and self absorbed life.

Block her and only discuss the children with her.