Sick of being insulted for my weight

[ImTooFarAwayFromBeingMe]

I've got 5 kids. My youngest is 13 months. I'm still breastfeeding him regularly and I'm 12st. I'm. Why self conscious about my weight even bough 12st isn't that bad considering I'm 5.9 in height. Yes I'm not skinney and yes I could do with losing a few stone but I'm sick of being reminded about that. I was sat eating tea minding my own business and my DH says 'oh your only still breastfeeding because you think you can eat what you want, you have mayonnaise on a lot of your food' ( I didn't have mayo on my tea today at all and only have it with chicken and salad really)
I feel like he's making digs because I'm not a size 8-10. I'm still breastfeeding my son because he's so clingy and he relies on breast milk for comfort for at night ( he's up 2-3 times in the night) and the daytime and he just won't give it up... I can take breastmilk from him and he will scream for hours so I have no choice to keep breastfeeding him until he weans himself off. I feel like shit. Now I feel like I should starve myself to become the size 8-10 he P desires of me

He's slim and does have a good body for his age and he goes to the gym regularly so he's in good shape so I can't exactly say anything about his looks which makes it worse!

When he goes to the gym are you at home with the children?
Do you get a chance to go out?

Do you think his attitude towards you is just about weight?

Is he a caring considerate partner who helps and supports you in all other areas of your life together?

Yes when he's at the gym I'm at home with the kids. We don't have any family to have the kids.

Oh right so he moans about your weight. But wont do his fair share of childcare to enable you to do anything about it. Not that you need to be concerned about it as you are not huge as you are not going to become 20 stone That was a ridiculous comment. I used to be 21 stone and a size 28. I lost 10 stone and got down to a 12/14.

My DH has NEVER said a derogatory word to me about my weight in the whole of the 25 years we have been together.

But when i was working full time nights and going to Slimming World back in 2002 he made my packed lunches to take into work so i could have an extra hour in bed.

Now DH is overweight due to medication he has to take for ischemic heart disease and medication. And is disabled due to his breathlessness.

He had a heart attack in 2006 and actually died for a short while before being defibrilated back to life.

This caused the IHD and contributed to his disability. I gained 4 stone back due to stress and comfort eating. I went back to SW in 2013 and it took 3 and a half years to lose it.

DHs poor health has been a huge adjustment yes but i certainly couldnt have acheived what i have with 5 kids to care for with no break or time to myself.

Was it him who wanted 5 DC or you?

Tell him to look after the children every other evening so you can go to the gym.

I imagine the nasty comments will stop immediately.

Your H is a dick about your weight and appears to have been for some time. Which begs the question, why you keep having children with him and why you think he will change?

Us all chipping in about how awful he is won't change him or your situation, so if you just want to rant then be my guest but if you want change you are going to have to take responsibility for changing your environment and behaviour that makes it harder for you to change your environment.

Aquamarine - I'm wondering what you do for a living? I'm hoping it's nothing to do with the fitness or health industry as sadly I have came across some insensitive and judgemental people, who don't help anyone to make a healthy change. (Don't get me wrong most are fab and really helpful but there's always a bad apple ). If a woman's willing to put down another it could only be her own insecurity or self righteousness.
Your remarks are inconsiderate and very unsupportive.
Op - awful to hear what your Dh. A few years back I was a size ten (have remained this size bmi 22.5) an ex partner told me I could be a size six just like my friend.
Well guess what I could be a six if I starved, but he will always be an ar***e and nothing would change that. Interestingly he's now with a girl who's about a size 14 - 16 so I wonder was the issue my size or something else like him wanting to control me?
Anyhow my advice would be, it must be difficult with five kids, so do what you can in terms of excercise that's all us mothers can do, we can't be number one and schedule in long daily excercise sessions (unless you are very lucky to get childcare for this). However even walking with your pram will help you feel better in yourself and more confident, nothing to do with your weight, just your health and self esteem. Walking is a good gradual calorie burner, you can build on it and it's low impact so ideal for breastfeeding ladies.
Eat as healthily as possible (I'm sure you already try to do this, it can be so difficult in this busy world we live in) and do this for your kids to show them the value of nutrition.
Is your weight a worry for you at all?
Stuff what your dp says. Don't be belittled by his unkind remarks. Xx

He's slim and does have a good body for his age

But he hasn't given birth to five children has he?

you are breastfeeding another human. eat what you want when you want and worry about the weight concerns next year or when ever the breastfeeding stops and the little one is sleeping through the night.
you don't have a weight issue you have a husband issue.
i'd consider this emotional abuse.
feed your beautiful baby and enjoy your food.

F**k him.

If he's that distressed, how about he should be happy to watch the kids for 1-2 hours each night whilst you go to the gym???

My boss said his wife ballooned after their twins and I felt like saying, well what's your excuse for your weight gain then!

I don't think you're overweight at that size and you're breastfeeding your 5th child!! My body held on to fat when I was breastfeeding and then 'let go' of it once I'd stopped. He shows be grateful you're breastfeeding and not worry about your weight. Also, tell the prat to start cooking and looking after your brood whilst you go and spend hours on the gym - do it.

@aquamarine
I'd love to know what it is about OPs post that makes you believe she'll put on 8st? Unhelpful and unsupportive.

OP if you do want to do something about the little bit of extra weight then that's your choice. He then needs to have the children to allow you time to exercise. The issue here is that your 'D'H has chosen to bring this up in such a rude and hurtful manner. And I wonder why he's so bothered. Did he expect to be with a victorias secret model 5 children later?

Tone up and lose a bit of weight if YOU want to but also address your husbands shitty attitude towards you, please x

Aquamarine DFOD

Op. I think your husband has serious problems with his own self image. If you were to criticise his body or indeed anything about him, I think he'd be terribly upset. In criticising you, he able to mask his inadequacies, it's a nasty game. This doesn't mean you should put up with it. But that you tell him you will no longer put up with his vile words and you expect more from a man, with whom you have made 5 children. Please consider your fifth being your last.

And get him to pull his weight so that he can look after the children while you get to do some pleasurable things alone including going to the gym if that's what you'd like to do.

Agree with pps that your dh is a rude twat and tell him to pull his bloody weight with the kids so you can get out too.

Aquamarine your posts are bullshit and completely unsupportive.

a) you're 5'9"! 12 stone is fine at your height! I weigh the same as you and am 5'5". I'm a bit overweight but I wear a size 12 or 14 - hardly huge.

b) He is an unpleasant dick and this sounds like part of a deeper issue.

@Aquamarine1029 the OP already feels like shit and has come here for support, not to have another conversation the same as the one with her husband. He is in now way expressing concern, his comments are unpleasant and unnecessary.

OP, I hope that you find something cheerful to think about today instead of dwelling on what H and Aqua have said. Life is too short to spend it dieting, when you're ready the weight will come off if you want it to.

Your husband is really insensitive and rude OP

Its not you, its your H who will also transfer all his issues re food onto your children as well. Lose the deadweight that is he, he is truly a millstone around your neck.

I am wondering also if you so called H has kept you both barefoot and pregnant deliberately to keep you also within this relationship. Was it his idea in the main to have five children?. I would also think you do a lot more childcare than he ever does as well.

Yes when he's at the gym I'm at home with the kids. We don't have any family to have the kids.

Isn't your husband/their father family then? If he's concerned about your weight (although I agree, it's not concern, it's an excuse to have a go) perhaps he should offer to give you half his gym sessions. He can - wait for it, crazy radical suggestion coming up - mind his own children while you go. There, I've said it. I feel a bit peculiar now.

Tell him to look after the children every other evening so you can go to the gym.

I imagine the nasty comments will stop immediately.

This.

The 'D' in your DH stands for 'dickish' I'm afraid.

As a side point, Aqua you're ridiculous, how does 12 stone become 20 stone before you know it?

Yes the Dh sounds like he is a bit too interested in her weight and what she eats. That is a bit controlling. The OP can definitely look good and be healthy at her present size. If she was really piling on the weight, eating very unhealthy and lots of junk even then I think he should be a lot more sensitive about what he comments.

I had put on a lot of weight (which my Dh was very kind about and understanding of my issues) and when I managed to lose the weight I found I looked better at about bmi 24. If I had lost more I would have looked quite thin in my face and lost all my boobs. I was healthy at that weight and felt great, just worked on a bit of toning exercises.

Tell him when he has given birth to three kids then you can discuss weight loss until then he can shut up. Sending your way. My DD is years older than yours and I still haven't lost my pregnancy weight . You have done an amazing thing by becoming a mum three times over don't let him spoil this for you. I think a serious discussion with your husband is needed

Lose alot of weight quickly by ditching your insensitive tactless husband
^ this !

What's the betting Aqua has few female friends?

OP keep breast feeding as long as your LO wants to, and please try to resist ANY pressure from ANYONE!