He's moved on

[sogreat]

I'm seeking a divorce but we've only been separated for a few weeks. A few days ago we were talking quite amicably. Today I find out he's got a new girlfriend.
I'm literally appalled. How do I get through this? We haven't even started filing for divorce. I'm devastated, not because I want him back but how can I mean so little to someone who once MARRIED me?
Has anyone been through this? How do I deal?

OP, it says less about you and how he felt about you, and more about him as a person. Some people just prefer to be part of a couple than on their own.

Honestly, I know this may be hard to believe but this doesn't mean he didn't love you.

I agree.
Some people would rather be with anybody rather than be alone, it can be a hell of an insecurity issue.
It doesn't mean he didn't love you, just that he's the type to move on quickly.
I would imagine my dh would be similar if we split as he is able to draw a line under the past very easily, however, I know he'd be devastated and heart broken and I know he really loves me.

Thanks for replying
Honestly, most people didn't even know we weren't together anymore, but now he's public with this woman so I'm guessing there's just a lot of really confused people!
Awful, I could never do this to him. But then I couldn't do a lot of things that he's done to me 💔

Some people are just like this unfortunatly. Like pp poster said, it says more about him than it does you. I think it is do to with insecurity.. maybe rebound.. maybe feels like they need to fill the void asap. Its devestated

Devestating*

This sounds awful.

I wanted to comfort you if possible with the assurance that many, many men (and some women) move on from relationships very quickly for reasons that have more to do with their weaknesses as people, rather than anything to do with their previous partner...

I met a new man ridiculously quickly after I split from my ex as well, it was weeks out. It didn't mean I didn't love my ex. It just meant I was lonely, sad and sexually frustrated, and desperately wanted to feel something positive during a stressful shitty time.

This isn't a reflection on you. It's just a reflection of the fact that human beings are involved, we are all screwed up and stupid in our own special way

It is horrible to realise that someone you were married to can hook up so soon after separating , do you think he was seeing her while you were together ?

I agree. My x isnt able to be single because he doesnt enjoy his own company.

I find myself good company luckily. Not to be flippant though, I remember feeling that life was ludicrously injust, never more than when my x met somebody. He learnt nothing from our train crash because he just blames.

You'd probably rather hear that he's insecure, can't cope with being alone, etc...

But no-one gets divorced from a perfect marriage. And plenty of people take a "better to move on quickly" approach.

I'm sure that both of you are feeling emotionally disconnected from each other. He wasn't happily married one minute and then seeing someone new the next.

It's a shock, and I'm sorry it gives you something else to deal with at a duffucuit time. But the best thing to do is move on yourself - it's up to him what he does, and deciding to go and have some fun doesn't make him insecure or afraid of being alone. You were both probably more alone than married (emotionally) in the lead up to the split.

I guess that most people will think what I'm thinking, that she's the other woman, even if he denies it.

I mean...I don't think so. But you don't ever really know, do you? I don't think I really knew him at all
And no you're right. It wasn't a happy marriage

Some people just move on very quickly or the relationship ended quicker for them, my cousin was with a bloke for nine years inc four years marriage and within a week of separating she is with someone else.

He was probably with her all along. Did he engineer the break up?

Jesus. Is it really helpful to start accusing the man of having an affair?

The relationship is already over, OP is already hurting. What good does it do to demonise the man involved as well?

It's the same with widowers isn't it? Some people just need to fill that space

Might say more about how much he did need you that he needs a replacement so badly.

I'd also stay off social media etc - their photos can be very deceiving

You deserve happiness. He's not a good marker to judge the men of this world by the sounds of it - you've had a really lucky and massive escape, not a rejection. You're free! When you get used to the freedom you won't want to let it go!

As and when you do get back into dating... We're not all put in a league table of value, it's about suitability and compatibility. I hope you do enjoy your freedom, and take your time to find someone special and at the right time

Thank you all so much! You've really made me feel so much better when I was on the edge. So kind to reply ❤️

No I don't really think she was the other woman, and also it probably doesn't really matter either way.

The sweeping statements about widowers are also not helpful

I'll tell my widower fiancé, who waited 3 years to start dating again.

Some people - men, women, dumped or dumpers, widowed or not - simply prefer not to sit around. That's all.

Sorry this has happened to you .

Thank you ❤️

If it's been an unhappy marriage for a while then maybe to him it feels like he's been over it for longer than it's been over, IYSWIM. Sometimes you just meet someone else fast.

One of my friends chucked her Ex out onto the street a Strange ran to help, she married him

I don't like coming out with sweeping generalisations but a fair few relationships which come about so quickly after a separation are 'band aid' relationships to help with the loneliness, etc. and they don't always last that long.

He may have checked out of the marriage long before there was talk of divorce.