I'm having a bit of a crisis of confidence in my relationship

[SaltyBitch]

Hello,

I am 26 and I've been with my partner since university - for reference, he is 27. We've been together for 5 years-ish, we never really worked out when our start date was.

He is my best friend. He's interesting, considerate, kind, a brilliant cook, intellectually curious, loves a debate, forgets to hang the towels up after a shower , likes weird music etc. His strengths work to negate my faults and vice versa. In short, he's absolutely perfect for me and our relationship means the world to me. He feels the same - all of our friends comment on how much we adore each other.

We are talking very seriously about the next 5 years or so - really making a life together. We live together in a rented flat already, but are looking at buying and starting to think about getting engaged. I really do want all of those things with him, and him with me. I know that our life together would be wonderful.

But ever since these conversations started, I've been having a bit of an internal freak out. Our sex life has always ebbed and flowed, and the idea of never going on a date again, never getting to have a first kiss with someone new again, is something I'm finding quite scary.

I do fancy him. I also love him to the end of the earth and I do not want all of the big 'life' things with anybody but him. But sometimes I worry that I love him more as one loves a family member than one loves a lover.

I'm finding myself daydreaming about one night stands with strangers, just to feel that thrill of the chase again. There are a bunch of sexual things I feel like I have to get out of my system and I'm scared I'll never experience them.

There is nobody else by the way - this has all been going on in my head, I've not met somebody new. And when I put my rational head back on, I'm ok with 'missing out' because I truly know that no man will ever be more perfect for me than him, and no shag (no matter how exhilarating) is worth losing what we have together.

He and I have talked about these feelings at length. He says he doesn't feel the same, but understands why I do. He had more experience than me before we got together and feels like he's got everything out of his system already. I'm worried that I'll push all of these feelings to the back of my head, and resent him in 10 years time for it.

Are we too young? Did anybody else feel this way before committing to somebody? Is this normal and what do you think I should do?

I hope I have articulated all of this properly - mind is racing with worry at the moment. Thanks so much for any help you can give.

About the sexual adventures you'd like to have - is he not willing to try new things, or would it have to be a different partner for whatever those things are?

I think sexual compatibility is important, and if that's missing, you might end up in a sexless relationship. You might be perfect for each other in most ways, but have a vital piece missing.

I don't know, it seems quite strange to me to feel that way about never dating/being with anyone else - it's never something that worried me in relationships.

I suppose polyamory is off the table for you?

That's the thing. I LOVE having sex with him. I'm generally the more kinky one (I've introduced the ideas, the toys, the equipment etc). He admits to being more 'normal' with his sexual needs, but at the same time is always very very willing to try new stuff. We've got tickets to a sex party in a few weeks - we'll go and only touch each other, but the environment will be really exciting. I feel like we are compatible in that respect - the ebbs and flows have come when work/life/family problems have made either one of us not feel like shagging much, which feels normal to me.

I don't know anything about polyamory or how to make it work without damaging our relationship. I don't know if we both want that. Not against the idea in principle - bit scared of it though, tbh.

I think its absolutely normal common or garden commitment fear. Committing to one person for ever is huge. Hence affairs and divorce. I'm not trying to put a downer on it, its just human nature. Maybe it goes against all our instincts. I actually believe that apart from natural born philanderers, its more likely to be women than men who go elsewhere for sex outside a relationship, they just never get caught. For what its worth, I think you two sound massively compatible. Its an enviable relationship 😊

Thanks so much Les. Really reassuring.