No sex and not dissapointed!

[sam27]

Hi I was just a little sacred by the dissapointed with sex life threads! Far too much sex going on there I think! I have had sex once with my DP since birth seven months ago and it is me that isn't interested.

Maybe I should worry more about this..... is it a good idea to let this part of the realtionship rot? I just really don't like any physical contact since the birth. Maybe it's to make sure that never happens again!

that's meant to be SCARED not sacred!!

I spoke to my doctor about the same thing as im never interested, Im always too tired stressed etc and have 2 children one is 3 and one is 1. She said - and this goes back to the stone age - that once a woman has contirbuted to the human race (her initial purpose apparently!!?) she goes off sex as the hormones in her body (dont know which ones) act as a natural contraceptive. My dp didnt buy this as a good excuse though!

And therein lies the danger.

OK, I'm biased, and if we were in parliament I should clarify any interests I have, but in the shell of a nut, I'm a man.

IF for you and your partner you are loving and close and happy without sex then there isn't a problem, and in a way I'm jealous, well done. IF on the other hand he feels differently, and even starts to fear that you don't love him, or don't need him, then there wil be a problem, whether you "give in" to him or not.

ttfn- NO WAY! I can't believe it. It's like you aren't supposed to want to have sex as a woman! She didn't actually offer you any useful advice then?!

....you just go away dear and have sex with your dp when he wants as that's your duty!

yes I do think my dp fears that I don't love him anymore... and the truth is that day to day, even though I know I do love him, I don't FEEL like I love him if that makes sense.

It's like I haven't got the time to love him! God, that sounds awful! We are so caught up in everyday life, running of the house etc that we are just friends who live together.

I think I really need to make time for him as when this happens my feelings surface but it's never long enough to lead to real intamacy.

reb - it is actually a BIG problem in our relationship, one that i'm not sure how to solve. We're in a real rutt at the moment. in fact its been a problem for 3 years. We do have sex but once or twice a fortnight which is not enough for him. Hence the reason i went to the doctor. I desperately wish - as much as he does - that i was interested in it, and if there was a pill i could take to sort it out, i would. Sorry moan over!!!

sorry Sam didnt mean to hog your thread. I do know EXACTLY where youre coming from cos i feel the same

ttfn - once or twice a fortnight! My dp would be grateful for once or twice a year I think. Well actually I don't think he is particularly worried about how many times more that he worries why I don't want to.

Do you know why you aren't interested?

I think with me I'm partly too tired.... would rather have a nice bath and partly can't stand body after birth and partly still a bit traumatised by the birth (if that doens't sound too over dramatic!)

I don't think this is abnormal at all and maybe you just need time to get back into a routine where you actually have time for yourselves - its hard being a mum and a housekeeper and doing everything else you have to - being a sex goddess comes far down the list of most women's priorities at the end of the day.

Maybe you should try and make sure that you go out together at least once a fortnight and spend that time talking about other things than the baby and getting to know each othere where you are in your lives at the moment - its a long time since you were just a couple and you have both changed - take the time to fall in love and find each other desirable again.

Twinkie XXX

Yeah Sam I think its all those things. I think sex for a woman is usually quite emotional, not just a physical act, and for me, my emotions are tugged in so many different directions, i dont seem to have anything left to give my dp. Also, my dd (whos 1) still gets up at silly times in the night and my ds (3) thinks 5.30 - 6am is a great time to get up and start the day, so i'm knackered all the time.
I think its good that your discussing things now even if only on mn, at least you can start trying to do something about it - what though, i dont know. Why havent they invented female viagra yet!?

ttfn - no wonder you're not in the mood! I am one of lifes sleepers and would love to get a solid 9 or 10 hours every night if I could! My ds is mostly sleeping through but I am not! Doc says is anxiety and PND but I think I am understandably a bit stressed after moving house twice within a year, having a baby, having horrible time in hospital. having perfect supermum best friend, leaving work, deciding whether to go back to work, dp moving jobs twice etc etc

Is your dp understanding? Surely it should be the quality not quantity thing. If you feel under pressure then it's going to make it worse. Does he do enough around the house, with the kids etc? Why isn't he stressed out and too tired!!!