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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

On/off parents - how do I explain this situation to my boyfriend?

6 replies

Tara20 · 06/07/2017 23:56

My parents split up when I was around six years old, eventually getting divorced later on. My dad did not want to divorce, but my mum did - basically my dad was young and (regrettably) did not pull his weight as a father although he has always been an amazing parent to my in living memory (I am 25). My mother also wasn't willing to deal with her issues so it wasn't going to work.

Since splitting up, my parents have had other relationships but never remarried. They never had any further children. When I was 17, my parents got back together for a brief period, no longer than around a year. They have remained 'friends' but I find the closeness difficult to explain to other people and most of the time don't bother trying.

Right now neither are in a relationship with other people and they spend a decent portion of their free time with each other. For example, I was recently surprised to visit my sick grandfather (my dad's father) and find my mother already there helping with doing his washing - like a wife! Confused On top of this they have been on going on what I consider to be dates and now my dad has asked to meet my boyfriend at a ffamily friends event...with my mother in tow. My aunt always thought they would get back together but I am not sure if this is what is happening and don't feel comfortable with raising the issue with them. If they are getting back together, I have mixed feelings on this too.

I really want to go to the event but my boyfried knows my parents are separated so don't know how to explain they are attending together. I find it a bit awkward and embarrassing and worry how it will appear to a) him and b) what his family will think. Help?

OP posts:
Pallisers · 06/07/2017 23:59

"My parents are separated but have remained good friends - sometimes I think a bit more than friends lol but it is nice to have them get on so well"

A lot better than having to explain "My parents can't be in the same room as each other if there are any knives around"

wobblywonderwoman · 07/07/2017 00:02

Yes - they can't live with each other but can't live without each other .. That should explain it

Aquamarine1029 · 07/07/2017 01:02

I don't think you should worry a bit. Just tell your boyfriend a brief history and explain that your parents are still very close. I really don't think this will be an issue.

thestamp · 07/07/2017 03:42

This is a non issue.

"My parents split up when I was young and have been somewhat on and off since. It's complicated! They're lovely though and at least they get on."

MoreThanJustAVulva · 07/07/2017 07:33

My husbands parents are the same. From their grandchildren's viewpoint, it's brilliant - nanny and grandad are good friends and have two houses next door to each other so they can both spoil them!

klip · 07/07/2017 07:36

Just tell him exactly what you've said here. Including that it's hard for you (because it must be) to explain and understand it all, but that he just has to grin and talk about boats or whatever with your dad/anything-but-boats with your mum.

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