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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice pls

4 replies

mrsb062013 · 06/07/2017 22:56

4 weeks ago I found out my husband has been having an affair. Cut a veryyyy long story short, he is still living here. We have two children aged 11 and 2. He sleeps on the youngest child's bedroom floor. He refuses to leave and I know he legally can be here but it's intolerable.

More recently I have discovered proof that the affair has been going on for more than a year (he told me 6 months). He refuses to tell me who it is. Not only this but I have found an array of erotica and bondage stuff that he has purchased. Not for me! Including anal relaxant spray, door restraints and gags.

Not only do I feel physically sick and repulsed by this person but I have to see his face day in day out. I took a payment holiday on our mortgage to free up funds for him to rent somewhere. He cancelled it the following day.

I have proposed to him that in the long run I keep our family home and we remortgage taking the term over the maximum time we can get giving him chance to remain on the mortgage and pay half but at a reduced cost. He could then rent elsewhere and when a trigger event occurs we would sell and he would get half. He refuses this. Wants his half now.

Does anyone know if my offer is likely to be forced to be taken up if it goes to court?

I have resorted to only communicating with him about the children. He has been recording conversations with me and appears to twist everything I say or do.

The more I read about narcissists the more I believe him to be one!!

Sorry for the ramblings.

Help appreciated.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 06/07/2017 23:23

I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how heartbroken, furious, and disgusted you must be. My only advice is for you to find a solicitor IMMEDIATELY so you know what your rights are and how to proceed forward. Also, if you haven't already, get your own bank accounts so he has no access to your money.

mrsb062013 · 06/07/2017 23:36

Solicitor has been instructed and divorce proceedings have commenced. I find it utterly heartbreaking that he won't leave. My children are finding this hard to deal with. I have lost so much weight, I feel constant sickness.

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 06/07/2017 23:41

Gosh...though I don't know what to say or what advice to give , I just wanted to say so sorry you are going through this...sounds awful.

I'm just going to say when things are getting overwhelming say to yourself 'this too shall pass '. You will get away from him and have a happy life in the end. You just need to get through this shitty time.

mrsb062013 · 07/07/2017 09:47

Feeling horrendous today.

OP posts:
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