Hi all,
To sum it up its as the title says, With her for 6 amazing years and married for 2. When it happened I couldn't get a straight answer from her as to why she was doing this. At first I was getting "I still love you and care for you it's just my feelings have changed" or "I've changed, I'm not the same person anymore" which I understand people do change but you change with them and its safe to say I broke down completely!
Couldn't function, couldn't think straight, almost lost my job and what made it even more complicated and emotionally stressful was because of he shift patterns at work. Her latest shift she'd get in at 9 so even after being kicked out I was having to pick up my little boy from the childminder, take him home act as if everything was normal and put him to bed. Then for the next 2 hours sit in our house knowing that I'd have to leave when she got back, She couldn't see how destroying this was and just created more arguments. One which I think ended the trial seperation although when asked she dodged the question and one which ended in me seeing how many gardens i could get my ring across and a few which ended almost in me ending myself as I was so low and defeated. Isaid some horrible things out of anger/frustration and jealousy but didn't mean any of it, just heat of the moment and in a really nad way. It was also a killer that when I went to get the kids in the morning she was still quite happy to talk to me while getting dressed so I seen everything time and time again. The first week of the seperation we slept together twice which don't get me wrong I loved it as I always did but was confusing as hell for me.
The beggining of this year I thought was going fine, I amped up the house cleaning, made sure she had nothing to do when she came in from work but then she started shift works in a call centre.
It was in April she startes the new job and I noticed a difference straight away. She would come in, barely talk and be glued to her phone, I knew she made new friends there as I did get bits a pieces out of her and I knew these were male friends (Which I've never minded as she's always had male friends instead of female... doesnt get on with the same sex).
What she couldn't see though was that i was ignored constantly, I'd ask how her day was, what she wanted to do on the weekend, try and start conversation but never got full sentances and was still texting away. She was acting like they were her best friends after a month and shut me out. Waking up the first thing to check was FB or messages and reply and going to sleep was the same but couldn't see the addiction. She also said the relationship was toxic but it honestly wasn't.
Come the beggining of June there had been a few talks of seperation but keeped going and I thought we were improving but while rearranging furniture I asked her how she felt and still came out with my feelings have changed and thinks it would be best if I left, at which point I broke down and packed my clothes and the late nights alone in our house while she was at work began.
When we first got together I was happier than anyone could be (We use to date when we where younger but drifted apart as kids do), she had already had a child with another person but left due to being extremely unhappy in that relationship, but that didn't phase me as I loved her and even more so now. She was all love dubby and snuggly but I wasn't that much. I done long hours working away from home for 2 weeks at a time so when I came home I just wanted to spend time in the hoise with her. Still went out and about with her but 2 weeks in hotels just made me want to be at home, and this was something else she said was why we seperated, because I never wanted to do anything, Complained that I never wanted to go to bed at the same time as her but everytime I did I was told I wasn't allowed because I snored, others because she was intimidated when we argued because I tower over her short frame and have a loud voice which I told her I never wanted to make her feel like that, I've told her I miss all the snuggles, love, hugging but says I can't change and people don't change (which annoyed me as she said she changed) and kept saying I'll find someone else... I have no interest in anyone else and she knows that.
I know she's feeling down and alone because I know her but she is one very stubborn woman. It kills me seeing her not eating proper meals in the evening, seeing her stressed, seeing her upset. I try and make her tea for when she comes in and keep the house clean but moans at me saying we are seperated and not in a relationship anymore so I shouldn't be doing it. I can't help it though, I see her feeling down and I want to take care of her.
I know she's not sleeping as I could see her on a messeging app at 1/2am sometimes but got annoyed when i asked if she had trouble sleeping telling me I'm stalking her when infact I'm just really worried about her as I know she needs an early night and lots of sleep but can't get to sleep without me there and she's even said that.
She wants to try and support herself in the rented house and keep up with all the bills which I'm proud of her for trying but she is a spendaholic and on a minimum wage job she won't be able to keep up with all the bills and debts which worries me even more.
If I try and do something for her she argues that she wants me to take care of myself but it doesn't matter how many times I say doing things for her, making sure she is ok makes me happy.
I'm at the point now where I'm just so far down and confused its ridiculous. At times theres glimmers of hope that she wants me still "our house, come along and spend time as a family (fathers day)" and then there's times when it sounds like its all over "my house! Youre doing my head in" At the start of this she was asking why I darted out the house when she came back to which I said because everytime i tried to talk she told me to leave and wanted her tea in peace, when I asked if she wanted me to stay she said yes but an unfortunate circumstance happened when she came back from work ealry to use the toilet but I was working at home that day and went round to get some items and had already threw everything on the bed and darted in due to a dodgy stomach amd thanks to a lovely escort pop up from a certain shit news page from FB she thought I was watching porn and because she doesn't let me get a word in sje just storms out once finished so that made things even worse.
She still hasn't mentions divorce so that confuses me too.
Sorry for the essay, I don't really have many people to talk to about this and sorry if I've went back and forth from things.
Is it best to just give her all the space she needs, let her get on with the daily chores and stuff in the house? I really don't know what the hell to do now and find it hard to not be with her as she is my wife and my best friend and love her way to much to not be with her.