my boyfriend of almost 5 years has not been the best at all ,we share a little girl together ,this happened a year after getting together ,I thought he was all I had been waiting for ,I fell hard for him ,I was so happy ,when I got pregnant half way through I noticed he seemed distant ,didn't really get involved in getting ready for baby ,he was with his best mate a lot ,cut long story short he put me through hell I Carnt count how many times I cried my heart out while I was pregnant ,I found out he was messing with drugs and had been even before meeting me ,I found out he was on them before while after the birth and it all made sense ,the being tired all time no interest moods being nasty etc ,he said it was recreational but at the end of day I said you should not brought a child into this world in this situation or me ,I tried living with him about 7 times and every time I packed up and went home with my daughter ,he would drink or be nasty and moody make me cry ,in the end I gave up and got nice place of my own ,it was ripping my mom n dad apart the stress of it all and lack of space so I got set up on my own ,which has worked out well ,the other part to my story is my daughter was born with problems ,she had rough birth ,she doesn't use her left arm and was very delayed in walking to because the left side was effected ,she has had to have lots of support and psyio ,iv had no support from him with this as he washt really level headed at this time or mature enough I don't feel ,and I feel a lot of stuff was put before us ,I had a job working for Estee Laurder which took me along time to get ,I walked away from my job when I realised my daughter was having problems to be more flexible for her and also to be honest I couldn't hold myself together ,I was dealing with this then dealing with him I was living at home and there was stress there ,I had it all on my shoulders so I walked which gutted me ,I'm now at the moment a full time career for my daughter ,her dad is still in picture I see him wkends as his new job involves working away ,iv called it many times but never stuck to it till now ,iv really took step back iv told him the pain I'm in and that I'm and the end now Carnt take anymore and still Carnt forgive the past it's still so raw ,he has since tried hard to be better and change and I do still love him ,but when I'm with him I still think of past ,I think of all the heartache the pain ,and even tho there is love I'm scared to let him close again to hurt me ,being honest near the end last time I got that low I was thinking of overdosing I just couldn't see a way forward ,I didht no how to find happiness ,I'd become someone I didn't even no ,and all that stopped me is the thought of leaving my child