Is it ever the same?

[user1499288566]

Is it ever the same after so much heartache and pain to be fully happy again with that person

No I'm sorry, I've tried it and only ended up prolonging and drawing out the relationship. It was doomed the day I found out about the affair.

Did he cheat?

No he didn't cheat, I kind of got pregnant early we was together about a year I fell head over heels we was mega happy, half way through my preg it was getting more n more apparent that his head wasn't in it , he was always with his friend no interest in getting stuff ready, I found out while after giving birth he had a coke problem, the lies before it and cover ups that all made sense after was unreal, he has been a drinker and vile towards me after one to many, iv moved in and out his place with my lil one about 5 times hoping every time I went back I'd get the guy I thought he was , the last time I moved out i put stuff into place myself for me and my child and got my own place a while after this he pulled me back in , with his new job he is away all week and comes back weekends, he stays with me when we int fallen out again of course he says he is gonna sort money for house but I don't see any sure signs of this, he is silly with money like he a free single lad still rather then being serious, just feel like I'm the parent the adult my life has totally changed his hasn't, it's not what I thought my life would be

OK so rather than "heartache" it's actually "abuse from a drug user"?

Sorry posted too soon.

You deserve a lot more than this half hearted relationship with a loser. Your DC deserves better.

What keeps drawing you back? Your head clearly knows he's no good for you. What's keeping you there?

I'm sure you can do better than that.

I thought it could change and go back to what it was.
It didn't.
I don't think it can unless both persons are happy to put a lot of effort in and accept their responsibility in the issue.
In your case, he would have A LOT of explaining and proving he is the nice guy you thought he was. He clearly isn't able to.

Your right in my heart I no he don't deserve to be in my life or hers, we broken up many times but something pulls me back, I often have the thought of him with someone else in future getting the life and the person I waited years for, I worry that the day I move on fully he will come good get settled and after years of sticking round it would be just my luck, but I wish in my heart I could switch it off and let go cuz I deserve so much more , an old friend has been back on scene few years has time has passed he has made it clear how much he loves me and wants to be with me, I like him and have fun when we hang out, he is nothing like the other one very sensible level headed loves my lil one, I'm just lost in it all don't no which ways up , I actually think what iv gone through has made me numb inside to everything

Just make up your mind that you're stronger than wishful thinking and tugs to the heartstrings. He'll go on to do whatever he goes on to do, but he's no good for you and he's not suddenly going to "come good".

Decide to be strong for your DD.

Don't understand why he wants to be with me if he int going to be serious iv offered him the chance to move on lots of times

Op

How many times before you learn? There is a lesson to be had here but you refuse to learn and take him back time and again.

You only knew him for a small period of time before pregnancy so that's why you didn't get to see the real him.

He is dysfunctional, prioritises drugs and alcohol over you and your child yet you are hoping that he will soon change. I doubt it.

Why not cut your losses? Run for the hills and take him to the CSA

Be been off the drugs few years now it's just due to the lies in past I still have doubts n worries

Why is he staying?
Because you are cooking/cleaning/having sex with him?
Because in some ways, you are giving him a support (emotionally, practically) that he wouldn't get otherwise.
In effect, because he gets something out of it, whatever that is. Even if he doesn't love you and even if he isn't serious. You don't need to if the person on the other side is giving you practical support for example.

Wish we wasn't connected with a child it's my nightmare to have a child with Some one I don't stay with hard to bear