I know I should have expected it but it's thrown me completely.
Brief back story growing up my mum was abusive to us physically for myself and my brother and emotionally for myself. I learned early on it was easier to take the blame for my brother's and be hit than to wait for them to own up as we would all have to line up to be hit until someone finally owned up. As the only girl I was constantly told I was useless and only good for looking after my brothers, that I was fat, lazy, ugly and should have been aborted. I regularly got hit by my brothers and if I ever complained I would get told I shouldn't have annoyed them.
As a teenager I attempted to over dose 3 times, each time begging the hospital not to send me home. On the 3rd time they finally listened and I was put in care for 2 years until my mum moved out the borough and I was sent to live with her again. I eventually left home at 18.
I've gotten better at dealing with my mum over the years. Dealing with her passive aggressive and sometimes downright nasty comments and training her that I will walk away the second she starts but she still tries and has a history of spoiling special events for me, it can be stupid things like if I get dressed for a night out she will look at me and say do you want to look in my closest for something nice to wear.
The problem is I am getting married soon and I don't want her at the ceremony. I am feel sick at the idea of her being there. So after discussions my partner and I have decided we will have a registry office do with just our 3 children there as witnesses followed by a reception for all friends and family to celebrate. As you can imagine my mum has lost her shit. I have managed to ignore all the PA stuff she''s be doing but I allowed everyone else's horror at my mum not being at the ceremony to make me feel guilty (I'm a people pleaser ) and so have booked a blessing in our local church after the ceremony to which all can come but that has inflamed mum even more and she took enormous pleasure informing me at the weekend that non of my family are coming to any part of my wedding because they are so disgusted with the way I am treating her.
My family are also now pulling out of pre made plans that have nothing to do with the wedding even though I am making a point of not discussing it with any of them. At the end of the day they are protecting and defending there mum but I have to say I'm finding it so bloody painful right now I want to call the whole thing off.