Straight out of an 11 year relationship

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

Would you date someone in the following circumstances? The man has been in an 11 year relationship and married for the last year of it. He has a 4 year old ds with his wife. She left him less than a year into the marriage, had an affair and got pregnant. She is living with new man. This all happened less than 4 months ago. Would you date this man if he said he was completely ready to date and seemed to really like you?

Just bumping. It's not me but a friend who wanted me to post.

I was dating the day after I found out about the cheating. Once its over its over. Move on and quickly. So no I don't think 4 months is to short a period. However if he starts going on about ex make excuses and leave. Would advise only meeting for a coffee first. You don't want to be stuck there for hours if he does starting crying into the soup.

Yes i would

I would, but I'd be looking for signs telling me he's not over it.

I had only came out of an 11 Year relationship when I met my now dp I ended the 11 Year relationship and went on a date with now dp 2,weeks later I've never looked back he makes me so happy still together over 2 years later.

What if he told the entire story on the first coffee date and kept mentioning ex wife by name

I would but I'd be very cautious that they're not over it.

He doesn't sound like he is.

Depends how bitter he still is.

He's not ready, he's looking for someone to offload to and help distract him. I would warn your friend off.

What if he told the entire story on the first coffee date and kept mentioning ex wife by name

Definitely run!

Unless she's only looking for a casual fwb thing. He's definitely not ready for anything serious yet.

I've heard it said that for every year in a relationship, you should give it 2 months of healing. So if he was married/partnered for 11 years, it'll take around 22 months before he's really ready to move on.

I ignored this advice when I got with my ex, who was a month out from splitting. In retrospect it was spot on and (humiliatingly) he went on to marry someone else fairly shortly. If was obvious that I was his "in between girl". Which was not something I'd have signed up to.

Yep that's confirmation of what I was thinking. Ex partners shouldn't get more than a passing mention on date 1

'So, what have you been doing with yourself for the last 28 years?'
Um,,,,,just hanging around?

Sorry, not a helpful answer for the OP.
4 months is way too short though.

No it's fine to mention a relationship of course. But the detailed description of why they broke up, which wasn't asked for I thought was too much.

No way he's over it. 11 years is really significant and I would expect at least a year. I think in general, men tend to move on to another relationship more quickly because they tend to jump over all the self-reflection, introspection, learning lessons, getting over the bitterness etc you need to really work through after a significant relationship, before moving onto something else significant. Usually you'll find yourself really deeply involved, before said man finds it has all caught up with him and needs to work through his stuff, leading him to suddenly withdraw affection. Your friend should leave this one alone if its a serious relationship she's after. If its just a fling then go ahead. It could work out, but I would say judging by the way he's talking its not likely.

Thanks all. I've tried to advise but she appears to be head over heels for this guy and isn't listening at the moment. He compares her to his ex (saying how similar they are - same favourite song, both like being by the sea ) which I also find odd.

You have tried and done 'your bit'. Stand back and maybe get a couple of boxes of tissues and a bottle of wine put away 'just in case' or 'when'.

Yes I think that's for the best. It's difficult and I don't want to alienate her by giving too much advice.