Husband cant/won't be intimate

[user1499335507]

Hi I've just joined mumsnet because i have absolutely no one to talk to. DH doesn't come near me. At all. DD is 18 and is at work 2 or 3 nights a week or is out, and DS is only here overnight once or twice a week as he lives with his mother. So we always minimum have one night to ourselves every week. But he just doesn't seem interested. We tried the other day but he lost his election after about 2 minutes and just kind of rolled off and was like oh well. We are stuck in a rut. I'm up at 5 out at 6 for work. Home about 6pm. He's out from around 8 till 5 with a couple of later shifts thrown in. We come home, we eat, shower, watch some tv, then one of us usually goes to bed. Ok usually me lol. But when we have time to ourselves I feel like he's finding reasons not to be home or not to come near me. I feel completely unwanted unattractive and unloved. I'm so angry and frustrated and sad.

You are not alone. You'll read lots of threads on here from both women and men whose partners have lost all interest in intimacy and / or sex with them. I know that doesn't help much, but at least you know you're definitely not the only one.

Will he see a doctor re. the ED? Seems there are good meds for that these days.

I've been browsing and yes it helps to know I'm not alone! I've cried every day because I miss cuddles etc it's not necessarily about the sex it's everything.
He won't see a doctor for anything ever. In ten years he has only been once. I wouldn't even dare bring it up as he will undoubtedly say it only happened once and have a million reasons why. It's like he's just my free loading, non bill paying, non housework doing, house mate. Yes he works but doesn't bring in much money as he's self employed it all goes on overheads right now.

He lost his election 😂 I like the typo!

It sounds like you've talked too him but he doesn't realise you're being serious.

Haha I read it 4 times before posting and still missed that one oops! Oh we have had conversations as it's been the last 6 months or so. Basically all of this year and i simply dont know what's changed as theres nothing happened that I'm aware of to make him change so much.

Op do you think that counselling may help you both to reconnect? If he is not up for that then I would advise that you have your own therapy to decide what happens next for you and your relationship.

He doesn't believe in anything like that. My daughter sees a counsellor and he hates it. He thinks it's a waste of time even though benefits are clear.

I might try and seek something for myself though, I hadn't thought if it. I just don't have any close enough friends to confide in as most of our friends are mutual friends.

You have a voice and it's time to use it. Why are you so concerned with how he'll react? He uses bullying and blustering to keep you quiet. He doesn't "believe" in counseling. Too fucking bad! It's high time you advocate for yourself and make demands. Things change between you, he starts to make an effort or the marriage is OVER. You are living a miserable, cold existence, so stop allowing your husband to control how you live.

It's only been six months? Ok I was with you until you posted that, I'd assumed this has been going on a lot longer. Are you talking to him about it, trying to help him, not putting the pressure on?

Ffs aqua marine, that's a bit over the top aggressive and harsh.

Mmm ok time to leave as quick as I joined if that's how people are going to be.

Encouraging her to advocate for herself is aggressive and harsh? Acknowledging her feelings of anger and unhappiness being married to a loveless man who begrudges the necessary and effective therapy his own daughter is receiving is harsh? We are all responsible for our own happiness. I assume the op is looking for points of view and advice.