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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Broken up - when to speak next?

1 reply

andrew45 · 05/07/2017 21:31

So, I am 17 and so is my gf. We ended up agreeing to split over university even though it is a year ago; we decided now was the best time rather than risking it going bad next year - bit weird as its so far off i know but it felt right for both of us. Anyway, long story short, she didn't like being apart after a week and a half; admittedly, i felt the same but i felt weird too jumping back into a relationship with her since we agreed on it like 10 days before. I said we'd still talk, be friends etc which was ok for 1 week and a half, then it became more regular (seeing eachother, talking) till it got to a point where i felt really stressed about the situation as i needed space now for abit until we became friends/tried to. Anyway, I've said today for us to no longer spend time together at all to allow things to cool down - i genuinely want to let things settle to 1. establish a friendship and 2. hopefully get back together as i do regret breaking up but don't want this "break" to be seen as a minor thing so if we did argue in the future, she can't just turn round and say we'd go on a break (which she could do if it wasn't a big deal - hopefully i'm making sense?)

Anyway, I am going away for a week next week, then back for 2 days then gone again for another week, back for 5 or 6 days then away for 2 weeks! I regret how i came across today in saying we shouldn't talk anymore - i said i want no contact to try and see if her and me can work as friends or as a couple in the future (as in a few months time) but right now i don't want to be doing relationship-like things/friend things incase it gets perceived the wrong way. SO, basically I want to say to her that i love her, as i do, and hope we can sort something out as friends when i come back. She is obviously upset at the moment as I am leading on the breakup, although i don't necessarily want to. She has anxiety; lives far from her friends and tends to use my home as a base to go to her friends' houses because I'm nearer to them than she is. Also, i am one of her only points of contact when she becomes depressed etc so i feel bad just doing this, but i feel like i have to do what's right by me this time. Therefore, I feel like i should write a message to say that i hope we can work things out, that we can become friends (i just need some time) and hopefully we can get back together soonish, but i feel like today/tomorrow is too soon and this Saturday/Sunday will be better but 1. i don't know if messaging her at all is a good idea now, 2. i don't want to come across that we will defo get back together if i don't feel that way once i am back and 3. i don't want to mislead her and make her feel as if she is attached/waiting on me to say "I'm ready" - i don't want to leave her on a string, but at the same time i want to communicate to her that i do love her and what i'm doing is out of love, not selfishness or as a way out of never speaking to her again, for instance.

OP posts:
Patriciathestripper1 · 05/07/2017 21:38

Copy this thread and read it back when you are 40. Guarantee you won't even remember her name.
Go out and live.
Go out and enjoy yourself.
Don't tie yourself down and feel responsible for someone with problems that will stop you from becoming the person you should be and going places you should go,
I say this from experience.

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