So, I am 17 and so is my gf. We ended up agreeing to split over university even though it is a year ago; we decided now was the best time rather than risking it going bad next year - bit weird as its so far off i know but it felt right for both of us. Anyway, long story short, she didn't like being apart after a week and a half; admittedly, i felt the same but i felt weird too jumping back into a relationship with her since we agreed on it like 10 days before. I said we'd still talk, be friends etc which was ok for 1 week and a half, then it became more regular (seeing eachother, talking) till it got to a point where i felt really stressed about the situation as i needed space now for abit until we became friends/tried to. Anyway, I've said today for us to no longer spend time together at all to allow things to cool down - i genuinely want to let things settle to 1. establish a friendship and 2. hopefully get back together as i do regret breaking up but don't want this "break" to be seen as a minor thing so if we did argue in the future, she can't just turn round and say we'd go on a break (which she could do if it wasn't a big deal - hopefully i'm making sense?)
Anyway, I am going away for a week next week, then back for 2 days then gone again for another week, back for 5 or 6 days then away for 2 weeks! I regret how i came across today in saying we shouldn't talk anymore - i said i want no contact to try and see if her and me can work as friends or as a couple in the future (as in a few months time) but right now i don't want to be doing relationship-like things/friend things incase it gets perceived the wrong way. SO, basically I want to say to her that i love her, as i do, and hope we can sort something out as friends when i come back. She is obviously upset at the moment as I am leading on the breakup, although i don't necessarily want to. She has anxiety; lives far from her friends and tends to use my home as a base to go to her friends' houses because I'm nearer to them than she is. Also, i am one of her only points of contact when she becomes depressed etc so i feel bad just doing this, but i feel like i have to do what's right by me this time. Therefore, I feel like i should write a message to say that i hope we can work things out, that we can become friends (i just need some time) and hopefully we can get back together soonish, but i feel like today/tomorrow is too soon and this Saturday/Sunday will be better but 1. i don't know if messaging her at all is a good idea now, 2. i don't want to come across that we will defo get back together if i don't feel that way once i am back and 3. i don't want to mislead her and make her feel as if she is attached/waiting on me to say "I'm ready" - i don't want to leave her on a string, but at the same time i want to communicate to her that i do love her and what i'm doing is out of love, not selfishness or as a way out of never speaking to her again, for instance.