I am a longtime reader but have never posted before. I am really frazzled by an ongoing situation with my oldest friend (who is also a relative). I am the only one in my family to be friendly with her as she is quite difficult and selfish but due to a difficult childhood she had I have always given her the benefit of the doubt. She is a good person at heart and our children are growing up together. She has anxiety issues and I have helped her through that. I am worried she is too dependant on me. In recent months I have found it more difficult to cope with what I feel is her intrusion into my own family life. She had got into a habit of arriving every saturday evening and staying until the late hours. While we enjoy their company ( her dh and kids) i began to resent catering to them so often when sometimes i just want a quiet time my own family. Her dh is also notoriously tight and it started to irk that he would pick and choose over the drinks on offer and never bring a bottle! ( but that is a small issue). My friend has a very active social life but has sometimes huffed when i have gone out without her. This has become much worse recently. To cut a long story short (!!) I started therapy a few months ago following a trauma that has turned my own family and siblings upside down. My counsellor agreed with an overwhelming feeling i had to focus on my dh and kids in a bid to centre myself. She helped me find a gentle but direct way of telling my friend i needed a small bit of space and also the freedom to see other friends without her falling out with me. I did this 2 months ago and the fallout has been huge. She reacted with rage, then tears, then silence for weeks. I made contact with her last week as am sad about the impact on my kids who miss her kids, while also relieved i have not had to see her. I have been so shocked by her reaction. In the beginning she was so angry when i said dh and i were going to have a dinner ourselves one saturday as i wanted a bit of bonding time - trying to make a tiny bit of distance went down like a tonne of bricks! During a heart to heart that followed i explained i was struggling after a tough year and wanted to focus on my own wee unit. She is upset that doesnt mean her - while my own dsis was fully supportive. Anything I mentioned about my state of mind she turned around to how it would affect her. She admitted, during our 1st contact at the weekend, made by me out of guilt, she didnt like the fact I was not available as I was her rock. She said she would choose me over her husband, which seems so unhealthy. Other than admissiin she was quite nasty during this conversation and says her dh is very hurt by my behaviour and I have wrecked so many friendships by what I have done ( which was to try to make a boundary - obviously badly!!! I am so sorry to ramble but my counselling has finished and i have no idea how to see this through. I worry about losing such an old friend but I also feel so uneasy about the dynamic. My dm and dsis believe i should move on without her as feel she is controlling me. I am an intelligent enough woman but this is really making me question my judgement. Should I try to make amends or keep my boundaries and potentially lose her? Ironically the distance in recent weeks has hugely helped my marriage but im mid 40s and value old friends so much. I would appreciate any advice if you can make any sense of my post 