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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is my husband depressed?

11 replies

user1497276738 · 05/07/2017 10:36

Hi,

I have been married to husband for 11 months now after being together for 3 years. Up until January this year he was the best man I could ask for, so kind, loving, caring, generous. We were planing a whole future together.

In January this year he lost his job after working there for 2 years, he has done various temp jobs since but not really settled. Since then he has become more and more distant choosing to stay in the kitchen watching videos on his phone and smoking more and more. All we seem to do now is argue about money now mainly money management. Lately though, when we do argue he keeps saying that he thinks we should just ended it, that he is dragging me down, that I am better off without him. It was so bad last night that he went to our local train station to get a train into the city to get a train to anywhere in the country with £30 in his pocket. He says he loves me, then he don't and he never did, the he does and wants to be with me. Last week we were planning a holiday, this week I am facing going back to being on my own.

I don't know what to do anymore so any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:

HarmlessChap · 05/07/2017 10:39

Sounds like he may have firm of depression, clearly there are issues with self worth, it would probably help him if he referred himself for some talking therapy through the GP.

HarmlessChap · 05/07/2017 10:39

*form not firm

Original poster

user1497276738 · 05/07/2017 10:41

He wont admit anything though. I have asked and he says he is fine

OP posts:

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 05/07/2017 10:46

Then an ultimatum might work. Get professional help within a month or yes we should split up, this is no way to live. Do not help him find the help. He has to 100% own it or it is a fool's errand.

Original poster

user1497276738 · 05/07/2017 10:53

By the way he is talking I dont think he cares if its over or not. In one breath he wants me then he dont

OP posts:

HarmlessChap · 05/07/2017 10:56

You can not live his life for him if he needs help only he can accept the fact and seek out that help.

Original poster

user1497276738 · 05/07/2017 11:00

I know. Its so painful because I feel like the man I married has gone forever

OP posts:

user1486956786 · 05/07/2017 11:15

It's crazy how lack of / loss of worth can really damage people. I actually think the sooner he gets back into work the better. You can't push him to GP but is there any way to help him get work? (I'm sure you have and do, just stuck on how to help you). Have you spoken with his family or one of his close friends?

user1486956786 · 05/07/2017 11:15

Loss of work, not worth

Original poster

user1497276738 · 05/07/2017 11:26

He has had work but its mainly been temp jobs. He lost the recent one yesterday because he threw up on the way to work as well as needing a day off last week due to a back injury he got while working there

OP posts:

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 05/07/2017 14:02

I think it is always a mistake to stay with someone who has said out loud that they want to split up. I think that when those words are uttered you have to have a period of living apart even if it is only a few days in a b&b.

This stops the threat of leaving being used for manipulation (or identifies it as such). It makes the seriousness of separation talk real. It allows you both breathing space to decide if one or both of you are happier apart or if you both want to try again.

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