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Original poster

Shall I take my relative to court for historical sexual abuse? (poss triggering)

15 replies

User9483625274 · 05/07/2017 07:33

I was horrifically abused by a member of my family for years when I was a child. I ran away and am nc with my whole family. This all happened in the '80s and at the time the police didn't prosecute. We are now decades on and after signing the governments child abuse inquiry, the police are now in contact again & wanting to re-open the case. I do want to prosecute this time but what if it all gets dropped a 2nd time round? There were no witnesses, it will be my word against his. I've been told all my original records have been destroyed. I am having the opportunity of justice dangled in front of my nose again, possibly for it to be taken away a 2nd time. Do I press ahead?

OP posts:
procrastinationforthenation · 05/07/2017 07:43

Automatic human response says " yes" do it but I understand it's not that simple.

I guess this is for you to weigh up. What a horrid situation to be in. I'm so sorry.

Only you know the details of this so it's hard to determine if the result is going to change. I'm struggling to word this next bit correctly but with recent cases, would it be the case that the police and public are all the more aware of abuse therefore making the outcome different?

Are you up to going through it all again?

I guess also, turning it on its head, what if you didn't see this through again, if you had the opportunity but didn't take it, how would that sit with you in the future?

Flowers
user1486956786 · 05/07/2017 08:15

I think you need to work through the possibilities... 1. Prosecute and get justice. 2. Prosecute and not get a result. How do both of those make you feel? Do you think you can get through both scenarios?

I don't know heaps of the legal system, but would it go to CPS first? Would the police bring it to your attention if they think CPS would say no?

Is there a liaison officer you can discuss your concerns with? can you start the case and pull out should it not be looking likely?

QuiteLikely5 · 05/07/2017 08:47

You were horrifically abused. I dread to think what that means and the impact it has had on you and the course of you life.

I would go for the jugular and ensure that the person felt the wrath of the law for their despicable crimes.

Justice is the least you deserve.

Flowers
Angeldt · 05/07/2017 08:55

Can you mentally cope ? Would it give you closure ? If it were me I think I'd be thinking this. If it is likely that he has done it before / is doing it still - would I be helping others to bring a prosecution against him ? You have a lot to decide. Good luck.

wherearemymarbles · 05/07/2017 08:57

I am so sorry you had to go through this.
If you go through it again and it gets dropped look at it like this

It is not that you weren't believed, its was a court might not ve able to convict. Also you put HIM through it. He will have months of worry and you may find its worh it just for that!!

Original poster
User9483625274 · 05/07/2017 09:01

Thank you Quite The impact has blanketed my entire life. But with ongoing therapy I now feel the time is here to dump the shame back on him & free myself. I'm not sure how I'd cope if he wormed out of it twice. I want everyone in his cozy sweet life to know that I exist and the impact of what I've had to carry.

OP posts:
Dieu · 05/07/2017 12:56

I would do it, if you feel able. And as for it being his word against yours, who knows what else could come up as a result of this. It is unlikely that you were the only victim ever.
You are so brave and I wish you all the best luck in the world with this. Please keep us posted Flowers

Justhadmyhaircut · 05/07/2017 12:58

I would guess there will be others coming forward to support you and your case. . .
If he felt like he had gotten away with it he likely struck again. ..

Dieu · 05/07/2017 13:04

And in the worst case scenario, that nothing comes of it again, you'll at the very least have shaken up him and his life. Those around him will wonder 'what if'.
Given how seriously the police now take historic abuse though, I'd be surprised if nothing came of it.

OnTheRise · 05/07/2017 15:29

I would do it. But it has to be something you feel completely right to do, because it's going to be very stressful for you if it goes ahead.

I'm so sorry you were treated so badly.

Desmondo2016 · 05/07/2017 19:34

I would do it and to be honest the end result wouldn't be my driving force. Telling my story to people who will believe me and having him brought in for questioning and disrupting his smug existence if only for a day would be worth it. In the absence of no evidence other than your word a conviction is sadly unlikely. However, it is unlikely to JUST be your word. There may be people you disclosed to historically who may be asked to give statements, any doctors or teachers you spoke to about it.. the possibility of other victims? Any diaries you kept at the time? Just be aware a conviction is very very difficult to achieve and go into it with your eyes open. I believe you will feel better for it.

debbs77 · 05/07/2017 19:55

I've not been in your situation but think I would do it. This is your chance to be heard. And if it means he walks away again then at least you still got a second chance. Someone else must've come forward?

ImperialBlether · 05/07/2017 19:59

The police would confirm that there were original records, though, wouldn't they? They couldn't have contacted you without something to go on.

I would definitely go ahead with it if the CPS is willing to take it on.

OnTheRise · 05/07/2017 20:58

I would do it and to be honest the end result wouldn't be my driving force. Telling my story to people who will believe me and having him brought in for questioning and disrupting his smug existence if only for a day would be worth it.

I reported my family GP for his sexual abuse of me a few years ago. In the end it didn't go much further than me giving my statement because the police discovered he'd died just before, so that was awful. But I am SO glad I reported him. It was amazingly helpful to me. The police were really supportive at every step, and helped me in all sorts of ways. Mostly they listened and told me how awful it was that I'd gone through what I had, which no one had done before. So although we didn't get a prosecution, it was still a good move for me.

In the absence of no evidence other than your word a conviction is sadly unlikely. However, it is unlikely to JUST be your word. There may be people you disclosed to historically who may be asked to give statements, any doctors or teachers you spoke to about it.. the possibility of other victims? Any diaries you kept at the time? Just be aware a conviction is very very difficult to achieve and go into it with your eyes open. I believe you will feel better for it.

That lack of evidence, and my word against his, worried me when I first reported it. But the police told me my word was just as valid as his, and that I provided so much detail and was so consistent in the statement I'd given that the defence would have had a very hard time refuting what I'd said. So don't let that put you off.

And once you've given your statement it's possible other victims will come forward, which will help your case.

Gemini69 · 05/07/2017 23:36

Yes... I would pursue Historical Criminal Charges for Sexual Abuse against this Relative

you deserve your Day in Court x

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