we haven't had sex since New Years Eve!!

[Baba]

Have no sex drive whatsoever, not even if Brad Pitt walked in the room.

dh (to be in 2 months!!)is patient but every time he comes near me, I feel like he wants sex and its getting worse. He feels rejected and I feel frustrated but I don't want to have to have sex just for the sake of it... or am I being selfish?

Incidentally, before dh, I have had over 50 sexual partners and before ds, used to have sex with dh so what is wrong with me?

Do you think its worth ringing a sex therapist???

maybe its hormonal?

I should think so.
How old are you? Are you pregnant? Do you have young children?
Are you feeling ill in any way?

Maybe you should do that thing where he is allowed to touch and massage all of you except the naughty bits and then move on to ony being able to touch your boobs and the un naughty stuff until you just can't stand it any longer!!

There thereapy for no layout - and you get lots of cuddkles and massages and stuff too!!

Baba - do you feel cross with DH in other ways/feel he is not helping you out enough with ds/around house? Do you have problems with tiredness or any physical problems/pain with sex?

I am 36, we only have the one child who is 2 and I am not hormonal nor am I pregnant!!! Just without sex drive!!

I am a bulimic which probably doesn't help as my mood swings are up and down and I get very tired and my dh works 3 nights a week as well as during the day and I am in bed when he gets home.

When he is off, I make excuses to go to bed early or have usually had a few glasses of wine by the time he gets home, so I get so tired that I am in bed by 9.00pm anyway.

I don't work and am at home with ds all day - have been since April when dh dad hung himself in the garage (dh found him and he hasn't been himself either since then).

We have had a lot of stress since last year as my dad died of cancer after a very long illness and things have just gone downhill since then.

Don't know whether I could do the massage thing - I just don't see myself as a sexual person anymore.

Perhaps, like me, you are having trouble getting the mother and lover thing straight in your head.

I've recently realised that this is (or was) my problem, although it goes a little deeper as I was sexually abused by my father (spit) from about 3 - 11 (ish), so I guess on some fairly deep subconscious level I equated sex with as a parent as dirty and inappropriate. This is weird as DH has 2 kids (DS1 & DS2) from a previous relationship, so he has always been a father for as long as I have known him. I think the fact that we had a child together (DD, now 23 months) set something off in my head which put up a subconscious sexual barrier. I'm sure a shrink would have a field day with me, the woman who married a man and a father 14 years older than herself !

Obviously, mine is a much more complex situation than yours (I hope) so not all I have said applies to you, but I do think that perhaps you are having some problems with sexuality as a parent. I think, for me, realising where my problems stem from has been the first step on the road to recovering my marriage and sexual relationship with DH. Perhaps if I'd have had 'help' from a pro, I would have come closer to discovering the problem much sooner.

A sex therapist may be a good route, but be aware that if you are planning to go the NHS route you may have quite a significant wait. Perhaps you could start with finding someone you trust to have DS for the evening and go out for a 'date' with DH ?

I know it sounds obvious but I sat down and told DH why I felt the way I did (he already knew about my childhood), it made him much more understanding of the problem. I think it made him realise that I wasn't witholding sex for power or a feeling of control or even just be spiteful, it was an altogether more confusing reason.

Fio is right, it could also be down to a hormonal imbalance.

Sorry for the epic ramble, I hope you can dig something useful out of it.

NdP
xxx

Well if your father died last year that could most probably be a factor. I know when my sister died I was so distraught sex was the furthest thing from my mind. Depression makes you not want sex, I know that for a fact. Also not eating properly would have the same effect.

I rerally think you should approach your GP for some counselling for yourself, not for sex therapy. I am assuming from your last message that this is more to do with YOU then your relationship

Sorry, I agree with fio. It took so long for me to type that message that your second post re all your other problems wasn't up on here. Counselling does seem to be the order of the day here. It sounds like the sex isn't the problem, but a side effect of your depression as a result of all these awful life experiences.

I think you should give the massage a go just the feeling of being touched may stir something point out to your dp that it is going to be gradual and perhaps give him a massage too this will bring you closer and sex may follow

I think that lack of sex begets lack of sex, ie the more you have the more you want, the less you have the less you want.

I think you probably had other things on your mind and put sex out of your mind for a while, and you need a bit of practice to get back into it. Why don't you try it a couple of times and see if once you have started you do get interested again. I must say sometimes the idea of sex is not that great but once you get down to it....

just a thought

(and by sex I mean all of that massagey stuff etc too, not just straight into it!)

Sorry didn't see post re your dad and dp's dad.Maybe professional help is the way to go with this

I can't comment on what it's all about Baba, but the last few years don't sound like fun - plenty of reasons there to shun intimacy I'd say. I think the Countess is right about the cycle though. DW and I haven't .... for 6 years, and i don't know if the relationship started to deteriorate before or after, but the tow certainly feed each other. If she jumped me no, after all this time I honestly wouldn't know what to do, and it would be a disaster.