Do we have a thread discussion Space Invaders or people who like to mark their territory?

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

This is totally about my mum. We kind of have issues and she does lack boundaries.

When she comes over she Takes Up Space.

I have two sofas in my living room. Upon entry one sofa will immediately be taken up with her coat and bag. Draped all the way across it. Despite numerous hooks and a relatively clean carpet upon which she could place her bag. Then there's no one for everyone to sit.

I only have a small kitchen (I really can't cook). If I'm in there making a cup of tea she'll arrange herself so she's blocking the fridge, kettle and the fucking spoons. She's not big. She just arranges herself cleverly. I used to do a weekly roast (one thing I can actually cook) but she made it impossible because she hovered blocking my way.

We went through a bit of a phase where she'd let herself in when I was home waking me up because I work shifts. Or coming round when I wasn't there, coming in, locking the door behind her and leave they in the lock so I'd have to knock to get into my own house. Changing the locks and fitting bolts on all of the gates solved this.

She'll stand close. Especially if I'm opening a letter or something. (She can't leave things. If a personal letter is out then she'll have to read it.) So close her boobs will be touching me.

It's weird.

We don't touch. She had 'bad arms' (not sure though because she has a history of hypochondria) when I was a child so I wasn't allowed to touch her. This habit stuck. Still don't understand it, no pain on earth would stop me from hugging my DC. So her being close to me makes me uneasy.

Also whenever she comes into my house she'll want to use something personal of mine. Tweezers, nail clippers, my lasptop. Stuff she has in her own house two miles away.

My dad does it too but in a different way. He tends to point out things I'm doing wrong in my house instead. He'll wander around turning things off, for example.

Is this a thing?

Are Space Invaders marking their territory? What is it? And why?

Am I her territory?

It's making me weird when she comes round. Last time she asked to close a window because she was cold. My hackles totally rose which is ridiculous.

Am I terrible daughter?

No you're not a terrible DD at all but one probably mired in her own FOG instead (fear, obligation and guilt) when it comes to her parents.

Its not you, its your mother and they are disordered both as parents and people. Neither of them wanted to seek or sought the necessary help for their myriad of problems. Women like this also need a willing enabler to help them and that figure here is your dad. He has also failed you abjectly as a parent here by failing to protect you from the excesses of his wife's behaviours.

You cannot change them but you can certainly change how you react to them. She is marking her territory in your home. Narcissistic people as well really have no boundaries (you are seen as an extension of her), do not like boundaries or anyone imposing those on them so will actively rail against them.

A small but significant boundary you could achieve is to no longer have her in your home. Start lowering all forms of contact. They were not good parents to you when you were growing up, they are not doing too dissimilar to your children either and it will do them no favours to see this either.

You may want to look at and post on the "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread as well.