are kids better off with two happy parents who live apart...

[wildwoman]

Rather than two who live together and fight constantly? I have been with my not so DP for 7 years. We have two DD's. I don't love him anymore, I mean I do but as a friend who often pisses me off! My mum has always had a similar relationship with my dad and looking back I wished she had left him years ago as she has literally had no life except for being the best mum in the world. I feel like I'm following in her footsteps (bar the best mum bit!) and I just can't bear the thought of setting this example to my DD's or for growing old with this kind of life. However...I have always said that I would never break up my family unless DP hit me or cheated on me, he's done nither as he really is a good egg! I sound really whiney and selfish I know but that's why I'm asking peoples opinions on here so that none of my friends and family think I'm a complete cow!I would really appreciate people's opinions even if it's not what I want to hear.

I f i were you i would go to relate and work through your issues, it doesnt sound like you are ready to give up yet. Dp and i had couple counselling for a while as we both had issues - i don't link them to my parents splitting up though and it really helped us.

Not self indulgent at all. When you start a thread you may also be helping someone else with similar problems.

I have a lot of issues as a result of my childhood and they have transferred to my relationships. I agree with lovemygirls, if you are unsure then talk things through with a counsellor.

I wouldn't stay in a 'safe' realtionship though, just in case 'this is as good as it gets'.
Maybe you could ask your DH for some space, some time on your own, so that you can work things out in your own mind.

I will talk to him tonight. Thank you for all your advice gtg though as I have just realised I have spent the entire morning on the computer...oops!

I still havent put all the food shopping away and ive been home over an hour now and dd2 is emptying and filling the washing basket

But we have given good solid advice and helped a friend in need the housework can wait!

True.............now i've worked so hard i deserve another cup of tea and a danish, surely

Yes, you go for it, but don't get crumbs on the keyboard

Kids are better off with two happy parents - if you can only get that by living apart then that is the right thing to do.

I'd say not to give up until you know for definite that you can never be happy though. Try talking, maybe counselling, making a big effort (both of you), make small positive changes.

Maybe give it 6 months of trying. Give him the chance to put things right too once he knows of the problems. Then see if you still feel unhappy. If you do, walk away knowing that whatever happens, you will be happier apart.

If you have doubts about leaving, do what you need to to get rid of them. If you leave you need to be 100% sure it's the right decision and you won't look back with regrets.

If you already know for definite that it's the right thing and you can't ever be happy with him. Best to be apart and be happy.

Have you thought of going to Relate?

Remember that men can very suddenly change when you up and leave 'em, and just because he's a very nice man now, he may not remain so if you split. He may feel justifiably that he was a good husband and father and you wrecked his life for no good reason and turn into a controlling horror.

That's why it's so important to be 100% sure that you're doing the right thing and to make sure that you've done everything you can (including relationship counselling) to make your marriage work or at least find out why it doesn't (so you don't repeat the mistake) before making an irrevocable decision.