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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To be rather hurt

34 replies

winkywinkola · 03/07/2017 21:10

and angry and to not know how to handle this.

A friend - or someone who I thought was a friend - has behaved rather oddly over the last 18 months or so.

She's a mum at my dd's school.

She'll come over for a cup of tea - she asks to come over, will be perfectly affable etc but then at social occasions involving other mums at school, she makes it very clear she would rather. It be anywhere near me.

A couple of recent examples. We were at a charity ball and she looked really hacked off when we went over to say hello. H suggested a photo of us and her h and him. She stood a metre apart in the photo, scurried off and then I didn't see her all evening. I didn't mind as I had a brilliant time but it really struck me how oddly she'd behaved.

On a mums night out, she abruptly told me she'd promised to sit next to someone else. I wasn't even angling to sit next to her. I was just making my way to the table and happened to be behind her when she blurted this out as if in a panic I was going to sit next to her, like some teenager worried she was going to be stuck with the class dork.

Yet she still wants to come over for a cup of tea, chat etc. It's obvious though that in public obviously doesn't want to be seen with me. She would far rather be talking to someone else.

Now, this isn't something I can talk about with her. She would just deny it and I would look like a paranoid fool.

But if it happens again in public, how should I handle it? I find it excruciating but always seem to manage to get snubbed in a crowd.

I think I should also most definitely not bother with her when she's asks to come over for a cup of tea but she's the type to persist if I say I'm busy.

I am hurt and pissed off that anyone would think it okay to behave like this to someone.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
winkywinkola · 11/07/2017 23:03

Went to a mutual friend's house today as I do every Tuesday with the dcs. She was there with her dd.

Neither were pleased to see us there even though we go every week. Her dd is very possessive over the mutual friend's dd - they are bffs. My dd has no issue with this and just hopes not to be left out. They are ten.

It was so awkward for our mutual friend! Yikes. I felt terrible and tried to be normal and conversational.

OP posts:
janaus · 12/07/2017 07:49

Maybe she has a girl "crush" and is embarrassed

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 12/07/2017 09:26

Neither were pleased to see us there even though we go every week. Her dd is very possessive over the mutual friend's dd - they are bffs

I wonder where she learnt this behaviour pattern...Wink

She's perfectly happy to be rude to you in public social settings so don't waste any feelings on dealing out similar behaviour when she's insisting on cups of tea at yours.

Incidentally does she reciprocate and invite you over to her place for a coffee?

Bluntness100 · 12/07/2017 09:49

Weird. I'd have assumed from your first couple of posts it wasn't about you, she desperately wants to be part of the larger clique and as you aren't is worried she will be "stuck" with you and excluded. Oh and she doesn't like getting her pic taken.

However the last post where both weren't happy to see you indicates something else is going on. Do you have any clue why they behaved like that?

winkywinkola · 12/07/2017 10:19

lol bluntness. She didn't want her picture taken with me!

I will just avoid her. She's a gossip and as somebody else said, not a friend to me. I'm glad I've actually realised that.

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 12/07/2017 12:17

There is a mum at school that does this. 1 on 1 she's ok,even a bit full on, chat to anyone etc. As soon as the PTA mums enter the picture though,she latches on to them.
Like the time she sat next to another mum(at a parent course thingy),chatted away happily and then as soon as x and y came in and sat down, she moved to sit with them leaving other mum alone.
Or walking to school together and then stopping at the gate next to x and y, instead of going in and just loitering near them.
I find it hilarious tbh, as while x and y are perfectly lovely and friendly, it's very obvious this mum is just a hanger on going by body language and other things.

StealthPolarBear · 12/07/2017 12:29

How odd

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/07/2017 12:40

Is it possible that she doesn't handle social interactions in public very well - maybe it makes her anxious to be interacting in a big group - but she's more comfortable one-on-one?

isitjustme2017 · 12/07/2017 13:27

You could spend hours trying to analyse why she does this etc but, at the end of the day she is just not very nice.....
I would take a step right back from her, don't invite her over anymore and simply be polite when you see her.
She is taking up way more of your time by making you worry/think about all this. She is not worth even thinking about.

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