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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

In shit again. Plz share some single mum success stories with me

7 replies

anlon17 · 03/07/2017 17:19

I am on the verge of becoming a single parent to my 1 yr old daughter. I know its the right step as my dh is definitely emotionally abusing me.

A bit of back story. I have been with dh for 6 yrs married 2.5yrs and we have a 1 year old. He was an okay partner though had a bad temper and there were times he would just blow up for small stuff.

He was really lovely all the 9 months I was pregnant and I could never imagine then that we would break up. He was so eager to have kids.

However as soon as dd arrived it was almost like a switch was turned off. He changed massively overnight. He has called me f bit, f c* for really small stuff. Doesn't help at all with our daughter. Is terribly controlling. He logs into my bank account to check my balance under the pretext that we are saving to buy a house. When I don't give my password he blows up and creates a terrible fight, stops eating food, orders pizza for himself so he doesn't have to eat the dinner I am cooking, sleeps on the couch, and basically sulks the whole time. And then just like that he will become normal.

In the past 6 months, this has happened at least twice every month. I am always walking on eggshells around him. So I know I married a f nasty controlling twat.

But what is really hurting me is that this is my second marriage. I entered this relationship soon after my first divorce. There were a few warning signals but not that apparent as they are now.

So I feel like a massive failure that I have landed myself in to the same shithole again. All I have wanted is to have a loving family and a stable family home. But it seems like a distant dream and not one that is meant for me.

Its the 'why me' thats pulling me down. How did he change so much after our girl arrived when we both wanted kids?

Please I need to hear I am not the only one who has botched up her life twice. And please tell me some success stories. Can I ever accomplish my dream of having a home for my little daughter.

OP posts:
whatsmyname2017 · 03/07/2017 18:10

So sorry you are going through this OP. Firstly though, please stop focusing on being a failure because its your 2nd failed relationship. You need to focus on getting out of this one ASAP. He sounds absolutely hideous and is treating you no better than shit.
I have a friend who has been divorced twice and she is doing amazing and has 3 kids (2 to 1st husband and 1 to 2nd). She felt bad about a 2nd failed marriage but it wasn't her fault, he was also a twat.
You have just been horribly unlucky and perhaps you jumped into this relationship too soon after your first? This time, when you get shot of the loser, spend plenty time single before even thinking of dating again.
As for having a home for your little girl, I'm sure that dream will become reality but living in a loving and stress-free home is far more important so your first priority is leaving this bastard.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 03/07/2017 19:30

Ive just left my second failed relationship with the second abusive partner - meh at least I left them.

I don't feel like a failure and neither should you. This time around I'm so bloody happy to be alone again! I've been on my own with a nb in the past. You will be ok x

AreWeThereYet000 · 03/07/2017 19:34

Your kid will thank you for bringing her up single handily in a loving environment - she won't thank you for bringing her up in a household where the pair of you are on eggshells as she never knows when dad will explode again.

Who cares if it's your 2nd divorce, it doesn't say anything about you, in fact I think you're brilliant for realising you need better!

Flowers
FindingJessica · 03/07/2017 20:10

You are a success because you tried and now you realise it wasn't working and you need a better life you want to change things. I am twice divorced now. I'm much happier being out of both marriages. I've learnt from both, both have helped me become who I am now. All my family and friends have supported me. No one thinks any less of me and I believe I will continue to find happiness as I am now. You will too.

Thebluedog · 03/07/2017 21:44

Two failed marriages and 2 kids here (5&9), best thing I ever did was leave my last husband (both had affairs and generally cockwombles)
I actually found it easier on my own, only the kids to worry about, parenting as I wanted, quality time with them. I found my relationship with them has grown as a result and I feel much more in control of my life.

The one thing I would say is get your dc into a good bedtime routine. You'll thank yourself for it down the road as you'll also love the quiet time once they are asleep to rest and watch box sets Grin

Good luck OP you'll smash it Flowers

jeaux90 · 03/07/2017 22:14

Single mum to a dd 8. Been lone parenting since she was two. No contact with the ex.

I feel lucky every single day. Every single day I count my blessings to be free and to not have to tread on egg shells, negotiate my way through things, placate.

Being a single parent is way easier than being in a shit relationship in my opinion.

Confusednomore · 03/07/2017 22:19

In 3 years since split I've doubled my hours at work,got a promotion and a new qualification but most importantly bought a nice house and made a happy home for my DS. His dad is an abusive twat and continues to test me but there's no way I could haven't got here with him dragging me down.

You can do it. Flowers

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