Seriously considering divorce. Does it mean that the relationship cannot be recovered?

[sacchetto]

I'm unhappy in my marriage. This has been going on for a long while, since the DC were born (the first 5 years ago). Before DC we were equal, now my DH and my relationship has turned into something I struggle to accept. He just does not seem to care, no affection, no emotional support, he generally makes me feel bad about myself, he is negative, absorbed in his job, I just seem to be a burden for him. Bottom line, I don't feel valued anymore. I don't think there is an OW.

I am now exploring the idea of divorcing him. And then I feel terrible for just considering the idea, as a big part of me would love to make our marriage work, but I wonder if the fact that I am now thinking about divorce means that it is too late. Anyone managed to recover a marriage even after giving serious thoughts about divorce? Thanks

Hi Sachetto
I don't think there are too many of of that haven't had hard times, but if your partner is consistently making you feel like shit and won't discuss the issues in a reasonable manner then it's time for cards on table.
Do you have friends/family in your corner?

Hey Sachetto,
Sorry you are going through this, it's so hard when things go wrong. My marriage is in a similar state to yours, but I dragged on for longer (eldest now 9). I have been to the point where I have planned what separation would look like, looked into finance and even spoken to a friend of a friend who is a family lawyer- but right now I am holding. We are in couple therapy and while it's not a magic wand and I don't know if we'll come out the other side a couple still, but it is helping us to understand each other and communicate again. I think it's the best chance we've got!
So sorry no made it back from the brink of divorce but maybe a nudge to get help if you can and maybe it will help, it has given me hope for us!

I'd try marriage counselling with relate first.
Before I divorced I wanted to be sure when the kids were older and asked I could say I tried everything. And I did. He didn't want to, so I had peace and closure.

What happens when you try to discuss the relationship?

I feel marriages should be supported as life events often changes the dynamics and these could be resolved if there is respect for each partner.

Inequality and being taken for granted can happen especially when dc are young.Each partner falls into their role and there is little understanding or kindness towards each other. Resentment builds and this can be a relationship killer

Often divorce is seen as a way to end the hurt but the reality is it's an incredibly painful process so no guarantee of pain dissolving.
If you can talk to your husband then try to move forward positively.Look at yourself, are you happy within yourself? What do you need? Are you looking to your partner to make you happy?

Consider a journal, write down how you are feeling, look for the positives in your life as well as the challenges.

However if after clear reflection your partner is destructive towards you emotionally and won't listen to your concerns I think you owe it to yourself and dc to separate.Mental health is impacted by a destructive partner so don't tolerate bad behaviour as no one deserves that.