friendship problems.

[dustybluebell]

Just a brief description. Me and my family moved to a new area 3 years ago. Kids fairly settled at school. They have made some friends. I thought I was fairly sociable friendly helpful etc and help out at school events run by the pta. We have a chat in the playground, but I'm still kept on the edge. Example they organise mum's nights out.. I'm not asked.. parties both adults and kids.. I'm not asked my kiddies not asked.. days out with the kids in the holidays..I'm not asked. Now my kiddies aren't really friends with theirs, but still I 'thought' I was kind of a friend to them and would get an invite esp when it's a large group (think 10 plus others from school). Obviously not..just wanted to get that out there really..just feel a bit shit not worthy really. Anyone else had the same happen? Any advice on how to not feel so bitter/left out..

Understand you would feel left out- have you thought about organising an event and inviting them? That's what I would do- or ask to go along!

I've spent the last few years feeling on the outside of a circle and have now come to the conclusion I'll never be top pack. I've therefore taken the decision to distance myself as it was making me feel miserable and also bitter as you suggested OP.
Life is too short to feel like that. Concentrate on more genuine people. Look for the mums standing on the sidelines and get chatting.
If our PTA is anything to go by (not the group above) it's an awfully unfriendly clique, full of self important women who want to show off and compete with each other.
Good luck.

Was going to say look for another mum who isnt in the clique. Maybe one who has moved into area too.

I could have written this post! I think people
don't think to include the newbie, OP. I am lucky because I have a lot of friends in the area so I don't need the school/village based ones but it still stings a bit when I see the FB posts when everyone gets together. I have also joined the PTA, and volunteer for other things. It doesn't help that I'm rarely at the school gates so I get forgotten even more. I have decided that as long as the DC are happy and have enough friends and play dates then that is what matters.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. Yes I have thought of organising an event. Thats something I'll do in the holidays. The children have friends and yes I have other friends at the school who I chat and have met up with. I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself (regarding the 'in' group) I suppose.

Glad your children are included with the others banananana. The group at my school mainly have daughters, and I have a son in their yr, so I usually put it down to that, but it still stings a bit when you're blatantly excluded. Plus my friends from my old area have all moved on meet up easily and I only have the odd holiday day free due to working near on full time, but I suppose I will just have to make a bigger effort with everyone and see how it goes. Thanks for responding.

I would start off by organising some events yourself. It might be that they have assumed you aren't interested as you haven't organized anything, or that they are shy about including new people.

Honestly, I could have written this post. I feel like I am always on the outskirts of groups and I don't know what to do about it. I sometimes try to organise things but it often gets met with 'who else is coming?' so that puts me off asking as obviously if it's just me going, then it's not good enough. I've invited 3 families round to dinner soon, only to find out that they are all going away together a few weeks later without inviting us. I feel like cancelling the dinner now.

I wouldn't take it to heart (easily said). It could be that they just have a set group who go out and like to keep it like that without considering others. That doesn't mean they deliberately exclude you from things.
My DS' school is a bit similar although most of the mums are lovely. Some are closer than others and go out together and I wouldn't expect to get an invite.
I did decide to try to organise a night out though and the 1st mum I mentioned it to said "I would love that" so I will get it sorted.
Try to organise something and if no-one shows an interest then at least you have tried. Some clique's are hard to crack but don't take it personally.

Yes, I don't think we were deliberately left out, more that circumstances mean there wasn't space for us. Who knows if we would have been invited if there was space though! But it is hard not to take it personally, knowing that we were last on the list to be considered!

Yes I agree Juliecloud. It's hard not to take it personally when it seems like you're the only one being excluded. Don't cancel the dinner as you ( I would think will really enjoy it) and they will hopefully think twice about further exclusions in the future. Today at the school gate I was more than pleasant than i felt like being towards the mum who had a party on the weekend and excluded me, and she couldn't have been more offhand like I'd done something to offend. I haven't spoken to anyone about it in RL. So I know there's no gossiping going on. (Not about that anyway) hey ho.. just organise more myself then.

If you never invite them to anything yourself they will think you don't want to be friends.

If you don't regularly (ever?) invite any of them to anything, it gives them a pretty solid message that you don't want to be part of their social group. They probably think you are stuck up.

You have to give to get.

Good point RunRabbit. Probably glaringly obvious but I've never really looked at it like. Maybe that's how I come across to them. Thanks for the advice.