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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

FWB wanting more.

19 replies

subcatenois · 02/07/2017 17:55

I've had a FWB situation for a month or so.
The guy has told me on four separate occasions, only when drunk (like he's out drinking with friends and messages me, etc), that he wants more than FWB and wants us to date, basically. I'd been in a (fairly shitty) relationship up until 3 months ago- after the break up he told me he'd liked me for a long time, since we'd met basically, but obviously couldn't do anything. I liked him too toward the end. And I agree it feels as if there's something between us.

Anyway it happened again a few nights ago, and he explicitly said he wanted us to talk about it properly when sober - except when I tried to, and he blanked the conversation and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day, or the next morning like he normally would Hmm so it seems as if he doesn't actually want more at all, which has pissed me off, because I started to let myself think about the possibilities of dating and now I feel a bit hurt by it. Which is so frustrating because I genuinely was okay with just sex until he (repeatedly!) brought feelings into the mix. I don't know what to do - I don't want to stop seeing him but I feel like things are going to get complicated really soon. Do I just sit him down when I next see him and ask him to be honest about what he actually wants from me?!

OP posts:
abbsisspartacus · 02/07/2017 19:04

Tell him to stop telling you this when he is drunk

Cloudyapples · 02/07/2017 19:12

I'd stop the Fwb situation all together op. You're only 3 months out of a bad relationship and now this guy is already messing with your head. Walk away.

subcatenois · 02/07/2017 19:23

That's a good point cloudyapples. Can't be fucked with emotionally unavailable men again and pursuing this would probably just be more of the same. Just sucks cause I feel like I've now ruined our friendship for this.

OP posts:
noego · 02/07/2017 20:32

Sounds like he's to immature for FWB if he gets all sissy when pissed. He's gonna fuck with your head space and you'll end up hurt.

PopcornNRedwine · 02/07/2017 20:57

If he tells you he wants more than a Fwb, even if it's just when he's drunk, I thin you need to take him at his word.

If that's not what you want you need to cut ties. It makes things complicated. Too complicated

Gemini69 · 03/07/2017 00:04

he's taking the Piss x

SandyY2K · 03/07/2017 01:30

End the FWB relationship.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/07/2017 02:47

He's just messing with you. Bin him.

AndBandPlayedScotlandTheBrave · 03/07/2017 03:14

He only wants more when he's drunk. Nope.

Redglitter · 03/07/2017 03:20

A FWB can work really well but only if you both want the same thing. It's not going to work with him. You either need to have a proper conversation with him about the possibility of you dating or cut ties with him. Neither ifvyou sound as if you're cut out for a FWB set up

Ashamed123 · 03/07/2017 08:29

One piece of advice I was given that's been true in every case I've ever known "a drunken man's speech is a sober man's thoughts"

cakecakecheese · 03/07/2017 08:36

Bring it up again, when sober, face to face, if he refuses to discuss it then I think you'd be best off ending it.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/07/2017 08:36

I would give this person the boot now and I would also suggest you enrol on the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid. Your boundaries in relationships have been skewed by your previous relationship and this man now will simply mess further with your head.

Look too at why you've been perhaps drawn to emotionally unavailable men through counselling (perhaps your dad was emotionally unavailable too)

ponyprincess · 03/07/2017 08:39

What cloudyapples said!

Cloudyapples · 03/07/2017 16:56

You need to take some time to focus on yourself - you don't need a man who can't make up his mind and just messes with yours. As for losing the friendship - if he was a real friend who cared about you he would have been serious from the start and wouldn't have started this situation in the first place.

Arealhumanbeing · 03/07/2017 19:50

He's breaking the rules by messing with your head. In a FWB situation you shouldn't have any of this on your mind.

Also he sounds like a bit of a knob.

Steviea88 · 03/07/2017 20:23

I was in exactly the same position a good few years back. I ended up allowing myself to get feelings for the Fwb as I thought it was really something he wanted.

He would tell me at least once a week he wanted more, he couldn't imagine being with anyone else. We got more cuddly and friendly after sex and went out for meals etc. I just thought it was moving along....

3 weeks later he kindly lets me know that he has met someone who he has been dating and really likes but also wants to keep seeing me on the quiet.

I felt like he hadn't stabbed me in the chest.
Threw out a few choice words and blocked him from my life.

Don't let yourself be drawn in... it's either something or it's just sex. It sounds like his just saying it, if he did mean it he should have the decency to talk to you sober.

His gonna be a major head fuck for you

Steviea88 · 03/07/2017 20:23

Had not hadn't

subcatenois · 04/07/2017 18:59

You're right cloudyapples! I really do want to work on myself, I don't want to be involved with him like this. I feel like I'm back in my old relationship again, hot and cold, not knowing what's going on, it's really annoying. And shit because we had a good friendship before, genuinely. To be fair he is a bit of an idiot. It was fun at first when it was just sex but now it's a bit of a head fuck...

Arealhumanbeing- yeah exactly! It was probably doomed from the outset; he did tell me beforehand that he'd had feelings for me for ages but surprise surprise he'd had a drink and I thought nothing of it really.

Ugh that's awful Stevie, what a knob. I really don't want to get into a situation like that.

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