Pregnant and unsupported

[NameChanger00001]

I've NC for this, but I don't think it really matters to be honest.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and feel so unsupported by my DP and my DM.

The nursery and our bedroom are in the midst of being decorated and not habitable at the moment. We are sleeping in the spare room. As baby can come at any minute, I've asked he prioritise the room, get them finished and cleaned so we can start moving furniture in. Then sort the garage so its safe for me to get in. He agreed - and has now spend the morning fixing the bathroom door and cutting hedges.

I've been crying all the time because I'm worried that baby is going to come along and have nowhere to sleep! We have no plans for getting to hospital (I drive, he doesn't) and we don't even have a mattress for the Moses Basket (DP measured it completely wrong - I went to make it yesterday to find it's far too small and have had to order a new one urgently. DP just doesn't seem bothered).

Then on the other hand, my DM keeps letting me down. Over the past two weeks she has cancelled three visits. She offered to take me to IKEA today as I'm not comfortable with the long drive. I'm currently sitting here with no word from her, not sure if she will be picking me up or not. Phone is off. This happens a lot - she will agree to do something with me and then contact me late on the day to tell me she's had a bad night sleep/ bad back, etc. She never bothers to actually cancel until after the fact - which means I spend a whole day not really sure whether I can make alternate plans or not.

I am feeling so alone at the moment. DP gets angry when I talk about finances (I'm not sure we will have enough to cover bills when I'm on stat pay but he won't sit down and balance finances with me) or angry because I don't feel like he's invested in this. He hasn't bought a single thing for the baby and his flippant attitude to getting things done is worrying me. He doesn't think he needs to know my birth plan, he doesn't do things to help. He offered to buy a whole range of things but didn't end up doing it so I've had to sort it (baby and house included). He's ended up shouting at me and slamming doors 6 times in the past two weeks - something I wouldn't have put up with before but don't want to argue and make things worse for me and baby.

And I really could use the support from my DM as she only lives 10 mins away, but there's always an excuse every time. I don't have anyone else to talk to or help with things.

I'm not sure if there's any advice for this. I think I just need to get it out as I'm feeling overwhelmed and scared.

For you OP . I'm 37 weeks so didn't want to read and run.

You sound completely unsupported by DM/DH and so my thoughts have run to practical things which might help you feel more in control.

I guess the first thing is can the baby basket fit in the spare room with you both? If so, then you have a basic sleeping set up sorted. If not, is it possible to prioritise your bedroom for completion or at least returning to a habitable state even if it isn't fully decorated?

Do you feel your DH will support you at the hospital? Is this something you could talk to your midwife about? I often great mention of doulas although have never used one - could this be an option for you? If your DH doesn't drive perhaps look up local taxi firms for the to and from hospital travel (remembering to take plenty of towels for the seat on the way there). I'm assuming your DM would be the one you'd call on, but just in case that doesn't work out you'll have a back up ready.

Do you have access to all the family financial information? If so, could you go through it without DH and then show him your findings if he won't go through the process with you? This should give you a better handle on things and you'll be able to look at appropriate budgeting.

I'm sorry to suggest doing on your own what should be shared responsibilities, but I think at this stage you'll feel more in control if you've been able to plan.

Once baby has arrived I think you're going to need a serious conversation with your DH about what's been happening. Being scared and putting your head in the sand is a common response to upcoming life changes, but this is not fair on you as you're having to shoulder all the burden and deal with the extra pressure of his behaviour.

I hope all goes well for you and baby