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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this all going to end well?

12 replies

worriedaboutourfuture · 02/07/2017 10:20

I've been in a relationship for nearly 4 years. I was single for a long time, never met anyone who met my (somewhat exacting) standards. Then my DP came along.

The last 4 years have been great for me, my career has gone from strength to strength, my relationship with my DC has improved, I've done a lot of personal improvement. A lot is down to DPs encouragement, he's made me believe in myself and supported me like no one else has.

Except for him literally every bad thing has happened...unemployment (though he's now working), burglary (covered by insurance, but not nice), he's been involved with the police over a historic matter (that one was his fault but he's been through lots of therapy etc since then which has been a positive), he's suffered the loss of an immediate family member in very tragic circumstances, has recently lost contact with his DC (no court order preventing it, exw just decided she wouldn't allow it any more and has refused to discuss/ said she will ignore any court order made to compel her. He has seen solicitors and steps are ongoing there) and he's also had cancer. Cancer was caught early but it is of a type that the rate of recurrence is very high, and survival rates beyond 5-10 years are well under 50%. And he now has more symptoms and has been called back for another appt.

And I just think bloody hell what else can go wrong for him? It feels like our relationship has brought him nothing but shit. Before me he was fit, healthy, etc, now I'm constantly worrying what will happen next. Is it me, am I just bad luck?

I honestly believed in happy ever afters, but whilst I am very happy with him, and in our relationship, it's been a lot to happen on a very short space of time.

OP posts:
worriedaboutourfuture · 02/07/2017 10:59

Anyone?

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacle · 02/07/2017 11:04

No of course you are not bad luck. He is lucky you were there to support him.

RainyApril · 02/07/2017 11:06

Well I'm sure you don't really think that you are 'bad luck' or are in any way responsible, it is just an unfortunate set of events and the sort of shit period many people experience in their lifetimes.

I'm sure he sees you as 'good luck' in that you have been a constant positive presence in his life throughout all of this. How much harder would it have been to cope with all of that without your support?

Unless he's a terrible person or someone who has hurt others in the past - in which case many people refer to karma - he is just having a bad period and it will pass.

Peanutbuttercheese · 02/07/2017 11:13

It's nothing to do with your relationship that he has had a series of negative things happen to him at all.

I'm wondering I there is any link between the historical issue with police and his ex not wanting him to have contact with dc. You are not at liberty to share obviously.

worriedaboutourfuture · 02/07/2017 11:19

He's not a terrible person, far from it.

My main fear is that his cancer is back and what that means. The survival rates for this type is so poor. With everything else I don't know how he will cope if it's bad news.

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 02/07/2017 11:21

All this crap was going to happen without you.

But he is lucky to have someone there to help him through.

My mil got ME 6 weeks after her second marriage. I always felt she was lucky to have found someone who would have loved and supported her through it. Because her first husband would have been a selfish disaster

worriedaboutourfuture · 02/07/2017 11:27

That is true, his XW would have been no support.

I just feel it's such a lot of bad luck in such a short space of time.

OP posts:
MyheartbelongstoG · 02/07/2017 11:28

Best of luck to your boyfriend op.

Hotpinkangel19 · 02/07/2017 11:30

Oh bless. Hope everything turns out fine x

worriedaboutourfuture · 02/07/2017 11:55

I hope so. But this is the first time he's been called back for a follow up, normally his apps are every 6 months. So to me it seems like it will be bad news, especially given the recurrence rates 😓

OP posts:
worriedaboutourfuture · 05/07/2017 08:27

The follow up is today. So worried it will be the worst news.

OP posts:
Godsprincess · 05/07/2017 08:46

Have faith . And you need to be strong for him.I wish you nothing but the very best for today . Stay strong Flowers

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