How long does it take to get over somebody

[starshaker]

My relationship ended nearly 2 months ago. I am still completely devastated. The pain I feel is awful. Its physical, theres times I can't even breath because it hurts so much. When will it stop, how do I turn my feelings off? I miss him

[Movedout]

I'm in exactly the same position. Everything was going so well and he was the one good thing that was happening in my life. I was seeing him for less than year but the pain is worse than when I left my 20 year marriage, probably because I had fallen out of love with my abusive husband a long time before I called time on our marriage. Sometimes I actually feel physical pain. In an attempt to move forward I logged back on to a dating app last night, there he was, all new photos, one I'd actually taken. I've booked myself into to see a physiotherapist and am wondering if I should go onto antidepressants as I'm struggling to function on a day to day basis. I haven't contacted him but I can't stop stalking him on WhatsApp. How long will it take?

[Chasingsquirrels]

Time as others have said - but everyone and every relationship ending is different and no one can say how long.

For me:

ExH - together 17 years, 5yo & 2yo when he left. Probably took me a year to start feeling like my life wasn't over and I only really fully healed when I got together with my next partner and formed deep bonds with him.

DH (above mentioned next partner) died 3 months ago. We had been together 6 years, living together 4+. I don't think I'll ever "get over" him, but in time I'll move on with my life. Just want to fast forward this part tbh.

[starshaker]

What if you don't have any friends. If good things happen to good people i must be really awful. I was probably hitler or something in my past life.

I know he's probably not even giving me a second thought. I cry myself to sleep every night. The thought of never talking to him again makes me feel sick. I wonder what he's doing all the time.

[Movedout]

I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, my deepest condolences 💐. I hope that you have lots of support and can take heart in the knowledge that you were loved and cherished and he didn't choose to leave you.

[SleightOfHand]

What if you don't have any friends It's very lonely, I'm the same, I understand.

[AnnaNimmity]

You HAVE to go no contact which means giving him no way of contacting you. Delete all emails because rereading them is not no contact. Block and delete him and think about changing your number/ email address. Don't stalk on social media or look at photos. No contact is the single best thing you can do to heal yourself. You'll start to feel better (slightly) within days.

Other than that I've found exercise really helps. Join a club or 2, talk to people and don't refuse any invitation

It's hard op - I'm going through the same and honestly no contact will make you feel better.

[Dowser]

A month for every year.
We were together over 30 years.
That was about right.

[starshaker]

All I've done yesterday and today is cry. I can't stop loving him even if he has no problem stopping. I wish I could be angry at him or hate him but I can't.

[Goingtobeawesome]

Took me 24 years and I had to have treatment. It was more than just a break up though. He was more than just my boyfriend and I had serious stuff to deal with that was linked to him. I'm not 100% but I'm pretty much there.

[user1496940061]

What helps me is to think that I can't love someone who can treat me like shit, be disrespectful, and seem happy to erase a long term relationships in a very short period of time !

[Zaphodsotherhead]

The anger will come, star. I wish it didn't. It was easier for me (in a weird kind of way) when I just felt sad. Now - although I'm over the worst of the mourning and the grief, I worry that if I ever met him in the street I might kill him.

But that feeling is fading too. I can't wait to get to complete absence of any feeling at all.

[Forwardsforwards]

It's infuriating isn't it? Together 14-years. Separated almost two.
I feel shitter than ever. It still hurts. A lot. I ended it.
I've struggled with giving myself opportunities to heal. I threw myself into my work but have recently lost my job. The house has virtually no equity... I'm really fucking fat. I'm lonely.
What do I fix first?

Oh and my counselling has ended unexpectedly after two sessions. Don't know why.

I don't think I'm feeling sorry for myself, I just find the relentless bad luck to be so draining. I keep wanting to shout "Why Me?"

I guess I can only hope things turn around. The alternative is too horrible to contemplate.

[starshaker]

I've come to the conclusion that I'm just stupid.
Stupid to think it was going to go anywhere.
Stupid to think somebody would chose to be with me
Stupid to think im good enough.
Stupid to believe he loved me
Stupid to believe he actually found me attractive
Stupid to think that I actually deserved to be happy.
Stupid to believe he still wanted to be friends

[DontstepontheMomeRaths]

You're not stupid. The relationship may have failed but you are not a failure. You have many gifts and talents star.

[starshaker]

No, I really don't. Im a Crap mum. Unemployed because my head is too fucked up. A failure at therapy. No self worth. I tried to start my own business from home but I can't even do that because I'm so useless. I am just a waste of space and i take up a lot of space because I'm so fat.
The world really would be a better place without me in it

[user1488575338]

You need to talk to someone in real life. We all feel like shit when relationships end, our self esteem takes a battering but you are basing your whole self-worth on this one man - you are giving him far too much power. Take the power back .

[RortyCrankle]

It's bloody awful and no matter how trite, time does heal. However, if you refuse to go no contact, your journey will be twice as long. Staying in contact is like continually picking a scab - the wound will never heal.

[starshaker]

I have gone NC. I deleted all the pictures of us and our memories. All the messages we sent and his numbers. I was never on his Facebook anyway because I wasn't part of his real life. I was just his stupid secret

[RortyCrankle]

Sorry you're going through this OP. Well done on going NC - it does help. It's easy to say time heals but while you're going through it it's awful and no-one can take the pain away.

I still get the odd pang if I think about someone i was with 40 years ago but thankfully the intensity does pass with time.

Treat yourself and try to do some things that make you happy and don't forget to eat which its all too easy to do.

[user1496940061]

Think NC will really help. Surround yourself with good friends too.
I have 2 kids and are still all in the same house while we sell and move on etc.
It's a living nightmare an I can't move on and constantly reminded of what ex GF did!

[starshaker]

I wish I could surround myself with friends but I only have 1 and shes an hour away. Would be easier if I didn't feel so alone. He was pretty much the only person I really spoke to

[user1496940061]

Take a look on the meetup website
Always have activities you can go join to get you out the house and meet some new people / friends