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Original poster

When is it time to end a long distance relationship

12 replies

allymcbeal1 · 01/07/2017 21:16

I already posted on here and got good views. My situation is inner someone while divorcing and we agreed we couldn't see each other until I was really free. In meantime he moved back to his home country in Eastern Europe and has been working on a little farm and is happy doing that. We reconnected in May 16 and I visited 5 times. He has a grown up son while I have an adorable 5 yo son. He came to visit at Christmas and gets in very well withy son. We spoke all last year about his
moving back to UK in April 2017 but after a legitimate delay with car he said it made him realise he was relieved he didn't have to come back. He says he loves me and wants to be step dad but is also saying he won't come back under any circumstance - trial period, half the year etc. I can't go there because of sons relationship with Dad and schooling as well as concerns about finances and need to provide stability for my son after divorce. I am due to visit with son in school holidays but feel going will make my loneliness feel worse if we come back alone with. I plan on place to make a family life together. There is real love here but am in a quandary...any advice or anyone experienced something similar. Should I end it because distance killing an otherwise good relationship? What would you do?

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 01/07/2017 21:40

end it x

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 01/07/2017 21:44

His son is grown up, you need to stay in the UK for your son to see his dad. If he really wanted to be with you he'd make the effort and move back.

You deserve someone who can't wait to see you and values time with you so much he wants to live with you.

Original poster
allymcbeal1 · 01/07/2017 22:15

Thanks - this what head says too!

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 01/07/2017 22:29

End it

Coffeegrain · 01/07/2017 23:38

I was in the same situation for a year. It really started messing with my mind, I loved him but because of the same circumstance as you, I ended it. It was really hard, even harder that a few months down the line he was with someone else. I'm a year out of it now but moving on.
You have to follow your head with this one. I'll not do long distance again.Flowers

Original poster
allymcbeal1 · 02/07/2017 07:58

Thanks all. I have no choice I can't go in August as it is saying I want a ldr when I don't. Would prefer to spend autumn winter focussing on my little family - me, little boy - and single than the half way house I am in.

OP posts:
Original poster
allymcbeal1 · 09/07/2017 17:52

Any more advice/experience guys?

OP posts:
user128057 · 09/07/2017 19:36

I'm currently in a long distance relationship. The situation is far from ideal but we just about make it work. I think it's easier because we've always lived far away. It means that when we do see each other we make the most of it. If you asked me if I'd do long distance again though the answer would be no way.

Original poster
allymcbeal1 · 09/07/2017 20:22

Thanks - but for me the problem is how long can it go on for? I want the aspects of abnormal relationship - meeting family, fling family things, even mundane things... another weekend for. And spent alone as dS was with his dad..it's not good is it.., as lady above said it does mess with your mind

OP posts:
Original poster
allymcbeal1 · 09/07/2017 20:24

I wonder if coffreegrain has any advice on how to end it? In person or via Skype etc. It is messing with my head.

OP posts:
WannaBe · 09/07/2017 20:34

Ultimately the relationship has no future. So unless you want a casual relationship until such times as you are in a position to be together (in a decade or more) this is all the relationship you will have if you stay together.

And ultimately, if he wanted to be with you then he would, although I do understand that moving countries is difficult for a lot of people for a lot of reasons.

FWIW I was in a LDR when I first left school. I grew up in South Africa and we came back to the UK and left my BF behind. Made all the promises about coming back etc etc but ultimately it just wasn't possible for various reasons. The relationship ended about a year later and he then changed his mind and decided he wanted to be with me after all. So I told him that given we hadn't been together for over a year he should come here for a holiday and that if we still had the spark in person I would go back to SA with him. He wasn't prepared to do that even for a couple of weeks on the promise of a future so the relationship ended as I figured that if he'd wanted me back he would have wanted to see if it would work.

He's now on his umpteenth engagement with three failed marriages behind him so I'm thinking I likely had a lucky escape. Grin.

Sometimes distance just isn't workable - especially when you're talking about being countries apart and in a place where regular contact just isn't possible.

Far better to end it now than to live in a hope of something which will never be.

LellyMcKelly · 09/07/2017 21:13

He knows your situation. If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. It's that easy.

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