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Original poster

Tell Me About Your Close Calls ...

44 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 22/03/2007 20:01

Long before DH, I had a serious DP (we lived together, saw ourselves as married, and talked about having kids). Since having children, I've realised that having kids with him would have been a complete unmitigated disaster. This man had power struggles with his cat! How on earth would he cope with a toddler?!?

Anyone else think back to exes, imagine having kids with them, and quake in fear?

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 22/03/2007 20:38

god, i quake in fear thinking about ANY of them reproducing!!

hoolagirl · 22/03/2007 20:40

One of my ex's did reproduce with me
Luckily we haven't seen hide nor hare of him since I told him I was up the duff

Years and years ago, thought I might have been pregnant with someone I lived with briefly, thankfully I wasnt, I later heard he was serving time at her majesty's pleasure for attempted murder !!!!

morningpaper · 22/03/2007 20:41

mine all appear to be gay or transsexual, so probably not ideal fathers

madamez · 22/03/2007 21:35

Er, morningpaper why would someone being gay or transgendered stop them being a good parent? Some very awful parents are heterosexual, married, monogamous, etc...

warthog · 22/03/2007 22:06

oooh mp, i think your prejudice is showing through...

nqc, not long before dh i had a serious dp (lived together, talked about kids, he asked me to marry him, had a scare with pg). it would have been a huge mistake. he lived in limbo land. never did anything except half-arsed, jackass ideas that lost money. i loved him though.

my life now is a zillion times better. my dh is a saint.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 23/03/2007 07:05

Hmmm, maybe mp means they wouldn't have been ideal co-parents? Or ideal long-term partners?

Yeah, my worst one was rubbish with money. He was really tidy and could cook, and the money thing was survivable (ish), but power struggles with a cat was just outrageous.

I did have pg scares with a partner who, I later found out, had been sexually abused by his mom. At that point, he hadn't had any therapy, or even really dealt with what happened, so he was pretty thoroughly broken.

Afaik, neither of these men has reproduced. I'm not really on speaking terms with either of them any more.

OP posts:
warthog · 23/03/2007 08:14

yes - i'm sure you're right about mp

that's awful nqc. poor man. not something you hear about very often. i wonder how pervasive it is.

and power struggles with a cat. well... oooh got a good joke. have posted it here

morningpaper · 23/03/2007 22:11

I'm quite aware that gay as trans-gendered are people can be lovely parents

But they do not make ideal men to breed with if you are a heterosexual woman

This was about CLOSE CALLS, non?

morningpaper · 23/03/2007 22:11

gay AND

Quootiepie · 23/03/2007 22:13

My ex... we were in Scotland, few miles from Gretna Green... luckily we had no idea about marriage licences! Althought my H doesnt seem to be the best right now, I quiver to think of what I COULD have married!

MrsGumby · 23/03/2007 22:13

Once had a long relationship with a Man United fan. Thank god we didn't spawn. Couldn't face my kids wearing "Ronaldo" on their back and joining the sheep at the "Theatre of Dreams" every week...

madamez · 24/03/2007 00:28

MP: well it depends if you think "co-parent" has to be synonymous with "longterm monogamous lover" or not. Cos it doesn't, necessarily. All that co-parenting requires is goodwill between co-parents and an ability to put the child's interests first.

princesscc · 24/03/2007 00:37

Had a boyfriend once, who, shall we say...didn't come from the same social background as me, but he absolutely adored me and I was always trying to impress me. I remember he took me for a meal once and his table manners were soooo bad it was embarrasing! He asked me to move in with him and I was fighting with my heart, coz he was so wonderful to me. Anyway, that night we were out for a drink, got a cab home and when we got to his house, he said he didn't have any money and to go into the house. He told the cabbie he was going to get some money and followed me in and got a knife from the kitchen cupboard and went back out to the cab! It was at that point that my head took over and my feet did the running!

RosaLuxembourg · 24/03/2007 00:57

The only man apart from DH that I ever came close to marrying is now a woman. Very fond of her as it happens but am so glad we never married. For all sorts of reasons and not just the transgender thing although, let's face it, that would have been a dealbreaker in itself.

monkeytrousers · 24/03/2007 01:07

..of the third kind?

monkeytrousers · 24/03/2007 01:09

transsexual?

Are you sure they could have been a close call in any other way than emotional MP?

monkeytrousers · 24/03/2007 01:11

warthog, bless you. I don't wish it, but expect to see you here like the rest of us sometime.

Saints and sinners

monkeytrousers · 24/03/2007 01:17

Of cause she does NQC. (I?m so drunk now I thin if I smiled at a passing tramp he?d think his luck was in). Emotionally broken people can be fixed however, but it takes a lot of spine ? paradoxically.

Oh Madamez, I?ve missed you![Hmm]

Anniegetyourgun · 24/03/2007 09:22

Why, oh why, didn't I let my STBXH go off during one of his depressions 24 years ago instead of insisting on marrying him, then I could post on this thread about him being a close call and have a good laugh about it.

pinkchampagne · 24/03/2007 09:30

The thought of reproducing with my last serious boyfriend before I met H, does make me quake - he was a nightmare! Mind you, some young girl has now reproduced with him, but I'm glad it wasn't me!

morningpaper · 24/03/2007 09:36

Hmm Madamez like I say, I'm sure that gay people and transsexuals make lovely parents.

I'm sure that things would have worked out but I am still VERY glad that the father of my children prefers to sleep with women and keep his penis attached. I don't think that makes me TERRIBLY prejudiced but I might be wrong.

madamez · 24/03/2007 10:25

Well, MP, it does make you kind of prejudiced, actually. Given the amount of stuff that gets posted on here about heterosexual men, who have no gender issues (or at least no acknowledged ones) who make terrible parents, beat their partners, ignore or emotionally abuse their children, etc, it seems strange that a group of people get classed as less-preferable parents just because of their sexual identities.

morningpaper · 24/03/2007 11:36

ermm I'm not saying they are less-preferable parents

But they are definitely less preferable life-partners and fathers of my children for me personally

Believe me

(Although the gay one is v. good at cooking)

morningpaper · 24/03/2007 11:43

It's bad enough explaining to the children that mummy used to be married to Aunty Claire

Beetrootccio · 24/03/2007 11:45

the man I went out with for 10 years -

was in prison for 2 of those 10 years for drugs
is 15 years older than me (i started going out with him at 15)
Still hass not got a proper job
last I neard he was married to a thai lady
oh and was violent and had four kids he hardly saw..- great catch - cannot imagne why I left him