Not sure what to name this

[Outedlasttimenamechangeagain]

I have had a couple of threads on here about my breakup. It's been hard, I'm slowly getting there, I had a rough night last night and have been feeling low all day.

The one thing I've realised today is, while I'm not ready for a relationship, I do want male company and sex. Is that so bad?

I want a friends with benefit arrangement, the problem is, and I've said this before, no one is interested in me. No one!

I have no male friends to turn to, so how do I find a FWB? Even tinder is giving me nothing. It's hard not to feel hopeless.

Self-service?
Could it be a bit like chasing butterflies/cats? Stop pursuing this end (omg-pun) and give time a chance to let a friendship happen accidentally. Then that might develop into a fwb arrangement, instead of skipping the friendship part, iyswim.

I self imposed celibacy on myself for 4 years after an abusive relationship. It was the best gift I gave myself.
Craving male company for me meant I wasn't comfortable yet in my own company.

I had a FWB thing after that for a while. It was ok but quite unsatisfactory in other ways.

Self service is what I thought originally AndBand so it's not totally unhelpful. It's not hitting the spot anymore though

I'm not exactly chasing, I'm more putting myself out there but it's not helping me either.

jeaux I don't think the same process would work for me. I am more than happy to stay celibate when it suits and it's been very important for me the last few months, but now, well, I have an itch and it's demanding to be scratched.

Also, if anyone thinks of it, I'm not a one night stand type of girl I need to feel safe in this which is why I'm hoping for ideas to find a FWB.

Feel your pain. In the same situation following break up. If you find an a suitable solution. Thinking of celibacy to be honest

I am certainly hoping for a solution. I wish I could find someone. I feel like it's part of my healing.

I don't think it's bad at all. This arrangement suits most men too, so I'll think you'll find it relatively easy to find what you're looking for

That's the problem I have no interest at all. I'm apparently completely undesirable.

Outed, I'm so sorry to hear you feel so low and like that.

Casual sex dating sites??

Do you have any sites you'd recommend noego

I think you are setting yourself up to feeling even more hurt, not to say used. Your boundaries on relationships are likely to be very skewed in any case and you need to further process the break up properly.

Love your own self for a change and work on raising your own bar and boundaries in relationships, a FWB arrangement is not what you need now. If you feel low consider talking to a counsellor.

Attila I would hope I'm not, but I think if I choose to I'll have to take that risk, I have been working on myself. What you have made me realise is that I'm bored of that, I'm impatient I want to be there now. Maybe I do need more time to work on me.

Some ten years back (god I feel old now!) I had a fwb arrangement with a friend that went on for a couple of years. It was good fun and we've gone on to stay good friends. Are there any male friends of your friends who'd be up for it?
I'm all for fwbs personally, as long as the boundaries are clear.

Think you may end up making things worse and regret your actions!

Suggest learn to love yourself 1st before getting into any sort of relationship !

Learn to be strong, let people want you.

I don't really have any male friends anymore, so I can't turn to one of them. The one who I could have, my ex ran off a long time ago.

I do love myself, I take care of myself, I've built good friendships, I'm looking for groups to join, I take me time. I am fulfilled in most areas, but this one.

A lot of people do seem to think this is something I could regret however, so I think I do need to consider both viewpoints.

I think it's hard to go looking for a FWB type relationship online as you're going to potentially miss the "friend" part of it and could open yourself up to unintentional ONS which I think would only dent your confidence further.

In your shoes I'd go on a lovehoney shopping spree instead

I meant do any of your friends have any male friends you could talk to about it? If you haven't any of your own male friends, friend of a friend is next best, as they should be recommended!
It does have the potential to go skew whiff though, and you have to watch out for lingering feelings if that's not what you want. Yeah also do need the friend element to be there really.

I have all the love honey goodies, I would like someone to share them with now

I see, I'll have to ask my friends, in the right way. Can't think how to word something like that. I will have to be careful not to fall for anyone, I am wondering (now I'm in a better state of mind) if this is the right thing. I wish I knew how to decide that.

You see it on here all the time fwb set ups that were made complicated and messy because the boundaries weren't robust enough. You really do need to understand yourself pretty well and not have any issues about being you're own advocate.

And if there's one thing I struggle with thanks to me ex, it's being my own advocate.