Family and relationships ... need advice

[foreverconfused83]

Hi all. I am married with a young child. Me and my husband don't talk to my in laws because they are just nasty and ignore our child. This has been tough for my husband because he has lost his whole family. He doesn't talk about feelings and refuses counselling but his upbringing and current situation with his family clearly does impact him. He gets on very well with my family BUT will at times take his frustration around his family onto my siblings. This leaves me stuck in the middle trying to please both sides. My mum has never been supportive and recently due to her health and medication she just makes up lies. She has said a lot to my husband bad mouthing her own children! This has led to my husband thinking my siblings are not nice because he feels they have no respect for my parents. I challenged my mum yet she denied it all and made things worse by telling my brother it was my husband who badmouthed my brother!

I feel so stuck in the middle and so under pressure and stressed out... any suggestions? I dont want to take sides or get involved but both sides come to me to moan about the other!

His parents sound awful, certainly no loss, your Mum sounds not great either. Poor you.
The side you are on is DH. Him & you & DC. That is your team. Do everything you can to serve your own best interests.
Try to ignore all other unpleasantness. Just try not to rise to it. Be a grey rock, boring, unreactive.
Maybe your husband could start with books or websites about toxic families. Not everyone has counselling. Some of us battle through with self education 💐

Fc301 yes i agree no loss re his family and I always say its easier for me to accept that than him as I have no ties to them. And I know you are right about staying on the side of my DH - thanks. I just find it sad that I have to distance from my siblings because we have always been close. However, they are not always sympathetic to mine and DH's situation with his family and the impact this has...

If they can't understand the emotional impact of toxic families then they are the lucky ones. I try to cheer myself up with that when people 'don't get it'!

Sounds like you are doing the right thing but it must be draining for you. Don't let the drama upset your relationships with your siblings or dh. Try and help then see others points of view but don't get drawn to sides. If you feel your dhs dysfunction is affecting his relationship auth your siblings then it needs to be pointed out to him abs he needs help to overcome it. I don't agree that you put dh above your family if he is acting in an unreasonable manner, that's just enabling him not to see that he fad problems which affect relationships.

Fc301 that is a refreshing way to look at it! I will also try suggesting online or books to DH thanks!

MerryMarigold i have tried to explain to them how me and DH feel but they just do not get it. A lot has happened with my in laws and DH has always stood up for me. Sadly by doing this he has lost his family ny siblings feel he should just get over it. I don't think I can tell my DH his fault re how he reacts at this time. He is is a bad place which is why I carry the burden of trying to play peacemaker all the time