Torn been current and ex

[Userwithoutaname]

I left my ex 2 years ago and have been with current bf a year.

I have a child with my ex. We are amicable.

It's hard to describe my feelings .. ex changed during our time together (15 years). He stopped looking after himself, often didn't shower regularly, put on a lot of weight (weighed 22 stone) , ran up a lot of debt, wanted to just watch tv all the time. Various other problems

Current bf is beautiful, and a lovely man, kind and caring.

However, we have little in common. He's very quiet and this makes me feel ill at ease ...

I miss the good times with my ex. I'm aware I'm not missing the man he is now, but something that's long gone. He was my best friend for years. I know I'm only remembering the good times, but I do wish I could get that time back.

Anyone been in this situation? Can I get past it?

Going back is not an option, I burnt my bridges, moved on. I just want to draw a line under it and stop wondering if I made a mistake and to move on.

Why don't you have some time on your own to decide what you really want?

If I was in your shoes, I'd walk away for a bit from DP's full stop. You can't want a relationship with someone you are ill at ease with but, like wise your ex, hitting 22 stone would be a complete no no for most on a physical attraction level

I thought current bf was the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. If I leave him there'll be no going back. And I do love him. I want to be with him. I just need to shake off missing my ex and the good times we had together - which were a long time ago. I guess I miss him more as a friend, we had a laugh together. Now I can't contact him because my current bf hates me talking to him, feels insecure.

And I do love him. I want to be with him.

However, we have little in common. He's very quiet and this makes me feel ill at ease ...

Only one of these is correct.

I second Naze in that you should spend time on your own to figure out what you really want.

You have some lovely memories and there is no harm in reflecting on them from time to time.

But if you are comparing him to current DP quite often then I don't think this is healthy or fair and that you should perhaps have a break from men.

If you are scared of regretting that decision could you perhaps go on a little holiday with a friend? Just a long weekend even. If you miss DP terribly and can't wait to get back to him then great and if not, well hopefully it will put things in perspective for you.

But how often do you find someone you have a lot in common with?

A lot of the time it's fine, we get on well. I didn't mean to give the impression I feel like that all the time, sorry. Just sometimes. And it's often down to me and my issues with self confidence, needing affirmation that I'm loved.

Thanks for the replies.

We did have some time apart earlier this year and I regretted it .. missed bf terribly.

At the moment that's not an option, no money for a holiday, no means of getting away.

This might be you sabotaging yourself. Do your self-confidence issues stem from your ex? You need to build that back. You do deserve to be happy and you are good enough ok? Don't think this guy is too good for you or that you don't deserve him because it's crock.

I think in this instance a bit of CBT therapy might help you get past your issues.

Thanks. I'm waiting for some counselling and hope it will help.

My self confidence issues go back a long way .. mainly due to emotionally absent parents I think.

You're experiencing nostalgia. It's a powerful thing. Take a step back and remember who your ex is now, the hygiene issue would put me right off.

Yes I think you're right. The hygiene thing was a huge issue and when confronted about it he dismissed it as not important.

Sorry just noticed title typo! Should of course say between