How to get over anger?

[yaya25]

My boyfriend of five years had been telling me he could not come home to Thailand for my birthday because of the amount of work he has to do in Essex. Then a day before my birthday, which was the day he was supposed to fly home, he called to say he is away on holiday with his daughter. I awoke the next day to my birthday present which was a photo of himself smiling happily at Stonehenge holding a sign Happy Birthday. I was so livid, I lost the plot. It has been five days and I still cannot bring myself to call him and hear his voice. All I can see is that image of him smiling and I am seething with anger - anger at his complete nonchalance, anger at his total blaseness: people who are truly busy do not take time for holidays, I gather he is only too busy for me. How can I look beyond this and be a mature grown up about it? He hasn't called me. Neither have I called him because I was called mean selfish and all sorts of other horrible names after I tried explaining why I am so angry. Truth is I am just so hurt! How to move on? Please help!

If you feel he isn't invested in the relationship then you should end it and let go of the anger. The only person you're hurting with all of that resentment is yourself.

You have communication problems.

If you cannot resolve them you might as well fold now.

Millions have done that before you.

You sound jealous of his daughter. Do you have children yourself?

I don't think the op is unreasonable if this was a planned thing then her boyfriend decides to say he is working then goes on holiday with his daughter? Why would you do that if you had planned something else then clearly lie about it? Op I think you need to have a serious chat with your boyfriend about this and find out where his priorities lie. I doubt anyone here wouldn't be upset with the above, no matter who he went away with. If you have planned something with someone, especially for their birthday then you should do your best to honour that. Not make plans with someone else!

Why should you be happy and accept be 'mature' about this?

Tell him what you have told us. He either makes time for you regularly in the future or you don't have a relationship.

You're angry because he lied to you. He said he was too busy to go on holiday - then he went on holiday, without you. And is behaving as if you're being unreasonable to react to that.

No one likes being lied to.

You and he sound very disconnected and communication is obviously a problem.

You could ask him why he pretended he was too busy for you, but immediately holidayed with his DD. I wonder if he always planned to go with his DD but knew you would object, and therefore lied?

Your birthday present was a picture of him with a sign? After 5 years?

Thank you everyone for listening and replying. Your answers all made me feel not so alone. I am looking after my seven year old on my own and at times it does get a bit isolating. Thank you for taking time to help me.

MonayOldCow: you made me laugh - yes that was my birthday present, crazy right?

AtrociousCircumstances, you are spot on I do think he has planned his holiday with his daughter all along and have been pretending to be busy so he can "justify" his absence.

LanaDReye I can't agree with you more because I am totally unhappy and simply find what happened so unacceptable.

ICESTAR your words really hit home, it doesn't matter who he went with, the fact he has claimed to be too busy to come home but yet went away on holiday with his daughter really made me feel hurt.

TheNaze73 Good point! Yes of course I am jealous of his daughter it is natural, she gets everything, as she should, from business class flights (if I go to see boyfriend in the uk I pay my own way economy) to £350 jeans and diamonds for her birthday - hard not to feel jealous when my birthday present is a photo of him on holiday :) But I am also a grown up woman with my own son and totally independent with my own income which helps in me contributing towards the relationship financially thus the giving helps in assuaging my feelings of jealousy. However, it really doesn't matter who he has gone with in this occasion, I would still be livid.

SleepingTiger, you are right we have communication issues. I haven't spoken to him for days and I still don't know what I am going to do about us.

Aquamarine1029: Yes I must let go of my resentment, I am hurting only me. Well said, thank you.

We live together in Thailand and own property together here half of which I have paid for. Breaking up and moving out needs planning, not impossible but just hard. I will chew on what everyone said and practice more letting go and see how I feel in the coming days.

Thank you once again for taking time to reply.