When my womanly wiles don't work

[AlcoholandIrony]

It's a sad day indeed when my womanly wiles don't seem to work on DP.

For context, I have portfolio work I am going to work on it today. But I had DP naked and we were doing some lovely kissing. He's experiencing some musco-skeletal pain just now, and I mentioned whether that would put him off sex. He told me we'd see later. So that means no sex just now. But I get tired later in the day, so I doubt it will happen at all. Weekends are a semi-usual time for us to enjoy sex.

I haven't enjoyed sex the last few times we've had it. This is a new thing. But I think it's becoming clear that I maybe put his sexual needs before mine. I tend to have a higher libido, so I'll take it whenever he eventually agrees to it.

Anyway. Sorry. I just feel a bit down now. And we've no other issues other than me being a stresshead at the moment. Someone talk sense into me.

Well he's in pain so I'm not surprised he doesn't want sex. If you're bring stressy too that's probably putting him off as well.

I'm not really sure what the point of your thread is though. Are you wanting to leave him because you want more sex?

No. I don't want to leave him. I suppose I need to be more compromising.

Sorry. This is a pointless thread.

It's not pointless. You are trying to work out something that is becomming an issue in your relationship and mn is a good sounding board.
I think thay being in pain is a good reason to not want sex, but if your libidos are mismatched generally then that is something that needs discussion.
Everyone wants to be attractive to their partner and feel loved and wanted. You are not being unreasonably demanding to want that.
You need to think about how the relationship is generally, when he isn't in pain? Do you feel loved and valued? Do you feel like partners or more like friends?

I think my feelings are hurt (rightly or wrongly) because sex was on the cards there and then. I feel He is passing up this opportunity.

He is not in too much pain, as I have just walked in on him lying on the side that hurts as I suspected it was a niggle rather than agony

It's just the way he assumes it will be on the cards later. From my part it probably won't be. So no sex this weekend.

I guess i just want to see, as well, if I can enjoy it as well. Seeing as the last few times weren't great.

I think it's normal not to always feel like it at the same time but yes, I agree it shouldn't always be about his needs at the expense of yours. If you don't want to do it later, then don't.
If this is becomming a pattern, then you need to sort something out.

Thank you avoiding
I'm probably making mountains out of molehills. And to be completely fair to DP I DO have work to do. I just hoped that he would want me. I made it clear I wanted him. But the mood isn't always there.

Do you talk about sex at all? Do you know when each other's peak points are?

So it's off the cards as he is in discomfort and off the cards for you later because you get tired.

No one is in the wrong here but you need to talk about it. Mis matched libidos is up there with financial issues for marriage problems.

You need to talk.

Yes, we do discuss sex occasionally. I'm a bit more open about it than he is tbh naze.
Peak times are usually the morning on a weekend. Which couldn't/can't happen this weekend. We've hardly seen each other this week as well, so I guess I just placed more emphasis on getting it done. Not a big deal, I guess

I guess I'm just annoyed because he seems to have been in a lot of "discomfort" in one form of another and always at weekends but won't do anything about it.

And then makes a comment that he's sad we didn't have sex because I've fallen asleep on the couch etc.

Right so you are annoyed as you want it on your terms and he gets annoyed because he wants it on his.

You need to talk.

Spot on jeaux & exactly what I was eluding to.

I think "sex times" are contrived & take away the spontaneity however you both are going to need to compromise & be flexible.

People that say they haven't got the time or inclination yet manage to always seem to watch the same old toot on tv, need to have a look at themselves.

Naze that just made me laugh "same old toot"

Thanks everyone. All appreciated and helpful as always.