When you know that divorce is the only option

[thinkiamgoingcrazy]

but you wish your marriage worked and you cannot imagine having a physical relationship with anyone else (though this no longer exists between H and I either) .

It's going to look as if I am the one wanting the divorce as though things have broken down completely, H is refusing to engage (saying he is not interested in my "stupid games" when I brought up separation). So people have started saying - if you are going to get divorced (which I will have to drive through), why are you worried about your H meeting/liking someone else? Just concentrate on your own life.

However I don't want a divorce . There is no other choice at this point though. Not without putting up with behaviour / situations which are intolerable. And I do still find H attractive. Despite how horrible he is being (). I cannot imagine wanting to sleep with anyone else. I just wish he wanted me and wanted to fix some things. Clearly he doesn't though, and I can't be the doormat who lives a half life, never feeling liked or secure. Either physically or emotionally.

How do you stop wanting someone?

I used to think I wanted a better relationship with someone else. Now I think - nah I will be single forever after this because the thought of anyone else is bad.

Anyway, am 48 so could it even happen? Feel like that side of my life is over. Is it?

You certainly won't be "single forever" if you don't want to be. My partner's Mum started a new relationship at 70

I think you've answered yourself when you say that you don't want to live a "half life, physically or emotionally ".

There is no guarantee, of course, that you will meet someone else but that doesn't mean living a half life. Do you work? Have family, friends? I think it's perfectly possible to live happily without a partner, so long as you have these things. Living with this man seems to be diminishing you and damaging your self esteem - being without him must be better than this, surely?

I'm a little bit older than you but I've been thinking about what a hassle it would be to start a new relationship, I scanned my mind over the 'available' men I know and nothing appealed, but I'm separated now and really enjoying my own company. Fear of a new relationship shouldn't keep you trapped in a bad one.

On the other hand, if you still find him attractive, there might be a chance for you to repair what you've got? Perhaps some time out might help you?

I feel for you OP. I was in this exact place 3 years ago. I was living a half life, H wasn't engaged in family life, wasn't that interested in me but wanted the lifestyle we had which also meant he could do what he wanted when he wanted. It wasn't enough for me. Fast forward 2 years and I am now in a place I never ever thought I'd be. Still going through the divorce but I've met an incredible man who is completely my soul mate. I'd written off men altogether so yes, it can happen.

Thinking of you, feel free to pm me if you want to. I know exactly how you feel.

Thanks for your kind messages.

I don't think it will be possible to improve things with H as they have been like this for a long time and some of his behaviour is and has been really awful. He is completely stubborn and uncompromising as well. Part of me is hoping that when he receives a letter from my solicitor asking him to go to mediation with me, he will have an epiphany, but I am not holding my breath. It is more likely to be a bloodbath of epic proportions (metaphorically speaking). I am worried about living in the same house as him while a divorce is going through as he will be very difficult I think. I am also worried that I will massively regret instigating a divorce . Don't know why as he obviously doesn't love me.

I am really glad you are so happy WrongPlace.